Arrow star Colton Haynes came out publicly last year and has previously spoken about his mental health issues.
However, sharing a series of diary entries with Paper magazine, Haynes gives us an insight into the struggles he faced in recent years.
In the first entry, dated November 2nd 2014, Haynes describes himself as a “vampire.”
“I’m a vampire. A shell. Wishing I was the old Colton. The person who used to love going out and talking to my family/friends.”
“I am a very passionate person but I have no direct path. I AM A QUITTER. I often find myself looking at old photos or wishing I lived in past experiences. Why can’t I just be happy in the now?”
“To the public eye, my possibilities are endless but in my mind… I’m fading away and battling to hide the pain and emotion that has plagued me my entire life.”
“I’ve cheated, lied & finally owned up to it. I actually accomplished something that could have me set for life. I have money but I am lonely…”
Haynes’ second entry, dated a year later, is much more optimistic as the star is in a better place after coming out.
“I’m finally in a position where I can say I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve accomplished so much with so little and my smile is finally not forced.”
“I’m finally free. I’m successful. I’m independent. I’m still short but that won’t change lol. I think I’m funny even if others don’t haha. But most of all… I’m outspoken.”
Colton ends the entry by writing, “Don’t be afraid to seek help… There are so many amazing people out there who can help with anxiety and other mental health issues…. please don’t be afraid and know that it gets better.”
You can read the full diary entries over at Paper Magazine.