21 questions with 'Drag SOS' star Cheddar Gorgeous

"Spirit animal? I am my own f***ing spirit animal!"


This article first appeared in Attitude issue 303, December 2018

There is nothing whiffy about this magnificent Mancunian queen. Bald, bold and beautiful, Cheddar Gorgeous describes herself as an idealist, unicorn and alien - we’d happily accompany her to a galaxy far, far away.

What were your rejected drag names?

Cheddar van de Tramp after Bree van de Kamp from Desperate Housewives.

Describe your drag style in five words.

A series of well-placed mistakes [the hyphen technically makes it five].

What’s the first thing you do in the morning?

Tell myself not to check my phone.

And what’s the last thing you do before going to sleep?

Berate myself for checking my phone.

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If you don't love the NHS enough to tolerate two pictures on my timeline... You're probably not doing drag.#heroes #nhs @nhswebsite

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 Which cocktail best suits your personality?

Espresso Martini. Bittersweet and overstimulated.

What’s your spirit animal?

I am my own f***ing spirit animal!

Where is the weirdest place you’ve had sex?

On a train going through a tunnel, which is its own innuendo-laden metaphor.

Biggest turn-on?

Good communicators with bubble butts.

And turn-off?

People who describe themselves as ‘normal’, ‘average’, ‘regular’ or *shudder* ‘masc’. Bore off .

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Although the rainbow flag is a symbol sign of our pride party it was used first in protests to gain rights and protections for LGBT people. In the good old queer tradition of using our pride to shout about what's important, I wanted to put the colours and their meanings back to work and raise awareness about climate change! 5/9 PINK, QUEER, VISIBILIY This is the only picture that isn't exclusively about a climate change issue. The struggle for LGBT rights was and still is bore by the most visible parts of our community. The people who cannot evade detection, those who cannot pass and those who choose to stand out. The power of that visibility to provoke change inspired this project so it deserved its own little spot. However, dig a bit deeper and you find that LGBTQ rights and climate change are more linked than you might think ...and I don't mean that time gay marriage made it rain more (yeah right). . So much progress has been made for queer communities in the last 50 years. Yet there is still so far to go and everything that has been gained is not guaranteed. . Dwindling resources, catastrophic weather patterns and unprecedented extinction events create a perfect storm of fear and uncertainty. Although we need to recognise the problem, the anxiety it provokes can also fuel fascism. In uncertsi times people seek simple reassuring explainations for the crisis that envelopes them. All to often the far right meet this desire with a heady mix of denial and blame....and you can bet who is high on their list of Scape goats. . Taking care of the planet isn't just a queer issue in so far as we need to live on it like everyone else ..it's an important part of keeping far right ideologies at bay. . . Photo by @faketrashstudio Using vegan and cruelty free neon loose powders and biodegradable glitter from @muobu #Queenofengland #manchesterqueens #pridemonth #pride #gaypride #drag #fashion #style #makeup #mua #gay #lgbt #queer #environment #pollution #forest

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If you could be any inanimate object in the world, what would you be?

Pineapples look like they are having a pretty good time.

What would your fragrance be called, and what ingredients would it contain?

Fromage. It sounds posh, even though it’s just cheesy. Smellwise, I’m thinking leather and vetiver — butch just like me.

What would your superpower be?

To be able to speed up and slow down time. I would save a fortune on Botox by slowing the pace of my forehead.

If you could banish someone to a desert island, who would it be?

Myself and any other fabulous queers that want to come along. Leave the world to the wolves while we have pina coladas.

You’re dead (sorry). What would the epitaph on your headstone say?

“It’s me, Cheddar Gorgeous. I had a #lovelytime.”

If you could make contact with a deceased celebrity, who would it be, and what would you ask them?

David Bowie. I would ask him to stay a little while longer.

What is the biggest misconception about you?

That I am confident about my body and the way that I look. Inside, I am still a dumpy ginger kid who likes Star Trek.

What would it surprise people to know about unicorns?

That the horn isn’t just for show.

What planet are you from?

Still trying to figure that one out. I was found in a field in some kind of Cocoon-esque escape pod when I was a baby — just like Superman, or a Cabbage Patch doll.

What message do you have for us mere mortals on Earth?

Get receipts. You’re going to need them.

Which cheese gives you the worst nightmares?

I am actually lactose intolerant!

What’s the best thing about being a bald queen?

The extra surface area is always nice, but not having to deal with hair is its own reward.