Tinder. It's an odd world. You spend hours swiping through scores of men, hoping they'll have found your casually picked, totally natural and not posed at all photos as sexually appealing as you did theirs. You never actually find out whether that guy who you never matched with, and subsequently planned your marriage to, didn’t like you in the end, or if he just deleted his profile. And don’t even get me started on “Super Liking”, a.k.a probably the most desperate way of showing your attraction to a stranger. If imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, Super Liking is definitely the creepiest.
The dating-app-game can be so hard to get your head around sometimes. Luckily, we gays have developed a unique language to say how we really feel - through the medium of emoji.
Not up to scratch on the latest visual lexicon? Not to worry. We've popped together a little starter guide on the emojis of dating, and what they really mean.
1 | The “I’m just going to skim over the fact you just sent me that uninvited dick pic…” emoji
Anyone who’s been on Tinder will be familiar to the unwanted dick pic. As if, evidence of a flaccid cock is likely to steal anyone’s heart on a dating app? This moon face lays it out for Mr Too-Much-Too-Soon, ‘I’m finding this embarrassing on behalf of you. Please, stop now.’
2 | The “umm, is that even you in your photo?” emoji
Initial description before turning up on date… ‘Name: Ivan. Age: 23, Description: Exotic blonde with a love for the finer things in life <3.’
IRL: ‘Who’s this total random who seems to know my name?’ Ivan. That profile is clearly not you. Were you planning on turning up to the date wearing a balaclava or something? I’m not fooled.
Woe be this dating app.
3 | The “I’m trying to milk my twink status for all it’s worth” emoji
This cute little angel-twink emoji is a keyboard staple for any sugar daddy-seekers out there. Contrary to appearances, anyone using this emoji is likely to be anything BUT innocent – if you catch my drift!
4| The “I’d do anything for love, but I won’t do THAT” emoji…
This emoji says, I don’t care if you enjoy being humiliated, I WILL NOT, come around and suffocate you by sitting on your face – even if there's £50 in the mix.
5 | The “I’m down for whatever” emoji
Everybody’s got to let their hair down and get that slutty phase out of the way at some point, right?
The supposedly “sassy office woman” here indicates that, like Kelly Rowland, there’s a chance you could be up for making love on the floor – the guy in question just has to play his cards right.
6 | The “I’ve, quite literally, swiped for everyone around here. Slay my life, I’m done” emoji
Any gay man who grew up in the depths of the English countryside will understand the hardship of swiping through a whopping four profiles before being met with the “there’s no one else in your area” message. This emoji is for everyone out there who refuses to travel all the way to Portsmouth for a date in the name of love.
‘Will I die alone?' He wondered to himself, as he upped his distance settings, and cried.
7 | The “my ex’s topless profile has just popped up” emoji
This emoji connotes that not only have I just witnessed my ex on Tinder, but he’s also sporting a new nipple piercing. Swipe left!
8 | The “YASSS GAGA, QWEEEN” emoji
Nothing to explain here.
9 | The “internalised-homophobe” emoji
Clearly this is a middle finger. Why all this hostility you ask? Well, this middle finger is dedicated to any guy who’s ever written “no camps”, “white only” or “masc for masc” on their profile.
10 | The “let me get my violin” emoji
This violin emoji is the one-and-only response for all those guys looking for a therapist rather than a lover on Tinder.
“So, you broke up with your ex of-three-years this week?”… Ah cool, glad you’ve chosen to share this tirade of info with a complete stranger on a dating app.
Can’t help you with that one mate *deletes app (again)*
Words: George Palmer
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