entertainment

Charlie Carver opens up about finding out his dad was gay: 'I felt tainted, I asked to die'

2017-06-26
Charlie Carver has opened up about his struggle to accept his father's sexuality. The former Attitude cover star, best known for his roles in Teen Wolf and Desperate Housewives, has penned a personal letter for Playboy in which he talks in-depth about his heartbreaking childhood. At the age of 11, Charlie found out that his dad was gay, and the actor says it had a profound impact on him at the time. "At 11 I found out my father was a faggot. I hate that word, but it’s how the news resonated with me at the time, so I will write it, " he wrote. He went on to admit that the next year of his life became a blur, and he found it increasingly hard to come to terms with everything. "My blood felt tainted. I assumed his was. By the end of that year, I’d changed my name, lost 30 percent of my body weight, asked to die and was filled with such profound despair that, looking back on family photos from the time, I still don’t recognize myself. Earlier this year, Charlie told Attitude that it was his relationship with his dad that helped him on his own journey towards self-acceptance as a gay man. “I think he taught me, in the way that he lived his life, that your sexuality doesn’t define you. It’s an important part of who you are, but he had such a rich life… “I think because I was frustrated by what I would call some of his own internalised shame, that it almost became this challenge to really get to the bottom of that quickly, for me. “It kind of propelled me into being louder and brasher and more experimental. And I think that hurt his feelings sometimes, but I think he was also grateful.”