‘Growing up gay in a Brazilian favela wasn’t easy – but finding volleyball changed my life’

Vitor Oliveira, a Senior Office Manager from Synechron, talks to Louise Sinnerton from myGwork about growing up in an underprivileged favela in Brazil and how volleyball shaped his life.

Vitor grew up as the youngest of five siblings, and the only boy in his family. He was born in the state of Minas Gerais, Brazil into a family that at times struggled to make ends meet.

“My parents had wanted a son so badly and my father used to say things like, ‘You will be the only one to keep the family name,’ growing up. All of those small comments build up over the years into quite a lot of pressure,” says Vitor.

Vitor Oliveira, Keyano College (Photo: Erwin Kuhr)

A vivid memory for Vitor is his dad telling him about a dream he had. “I was maybe nine years old, and he told me he had dreamt I was dressing up as a woman and asked me what I was doing!

“Hearing that at an early age made me grow distant from him and obviously made me internalise his fear around homosexuals and anyone different to him.”

From patriarchal expectations to religious norms, Vitor had plenty of demands being placed upon him. “I was raised Catholic; my grandma was quite strict with her religious beliefs and I was also helping priests with ceremonies from a very young age until I was fourteen.

“Growing up in Brazil, with that religious culture, it isn’t exactly easy to understand who you are.”

At public school in Belo Horizonte, Vitor seemed to stand out. “Even though at school I didn’t know I was gay, it was as if everyone else knew, or at least they spotted that there was something different about me. That happened before I even noticed and there were physical aggressions as well as bullying towards me in my school years.

“All these episodes still impact on who I am today, especially on things like my self-confidence, my initial insecurity on new environments, anxiety, and the difficulty I have with starting a conversation with someone I don’t know, for example.”

Those adolescent years, growing up in a favela, which is a slum that has experienced historical governmental neglect, and confused about who he was were not always easy.

Vitor at London Pride with Synechron Limited

But Vitor had a flair for volleyball, which would send his life in a completely different direction. “Playing volleyball may have been the best thing I did in my life. When I started playing, I began to have more gay friends and through them, I saw that being gay wasn’t the end of the world; they were happy, authentic and all lived normal lives.”

It was not only the social side that was so transformational. Vitor saw how one of his teammates was given a scholarship to go to the US and he saw a path for himself out of his hometown.

“Volleyball was my best choice because I grew up in a favela, I went to a public school, and it really changed my life. At seventeen I showed my Mum the brochure of the college my teammate had joined in the US thanks to a sports scholarship he got, and she said: ‘Yes, you go as well’.”

It was not as straightforward as that, however, as Vitor and his family did not have the money for university as the scholarship only paid for part of the fees. “My Mum said, ‘Just study, study, study, I will sort it out,’ and while I didn’t really believe her, I studied as much as I could.

“I knew my Mum could not afford it and we could not afford English courses. I read 375 English books in one year, from level one to six, to try to improve my language ability and prepare myself for exams I would have to do as part of the application process for those scholarships.”

Vitor at a Super League match in London (Photo: Steve Smith)

Eventually, Vitor sent a video of himself playing volleyball to a University in Alberta, Canada, and he was awarded a full scholarship by the coach who just loved his video that much. “The full scholarship covers the tuition for five years and I had to cover the other costs.

“When I arrived, they helped me with vouchers for food because the Canadian dollar was so high compared to the Brazilian Reals. My mom and four sisters all got bank loans to help with the other costs.

“My boyfriend, Fabio – who is now my husband – paid for my travel. There were so many expenses involved that I couldn’t have done it without the full support of my family and partner. I am here today because they made my dream their own.”

Before leaving for Canada, Vitor decided it was time to come out to his family. He chose to tell his Mum and one of his sisters, Sabrina, (who he describes as being like a second mother). “I said I would eventually tell the rest of my sisters, and then maybe in the future my dad.

“My mum looked panicked and said, ‘Don’t tell your dad.’ That was her only real reaction, shaking her head at that. I think it was a shock for my mum. She was not mad, she just had to take it in. Sabrina had been suspicious all along and the news was no surprise to her.”

Vitor (fourth on the right, back row) as part of the Keyano Huskies Team (Photo: Erwin Kuhr) 

With the support of his family, his boyfriend, and this new opportunity, Vitor started to play volleyball and study in Canada. While Vitor worked to improve his English and to pay back the loans that his family had taken out, the distance was a strain on his relationship.

In a dramatic twist of fate, Vitor was evacuated from Alberta in a huge wildfire and was reunited with his boyfriend in London.

“We got married in Portugal in 2017 as my husband is of Portuguese nationality. The long-distance was so hard, and we agreed that getting a degree in the UK was just as good as getting it in Canada. I worked in a cafe, to begin with, and then I joined Synechron, where I am now!”

Vitor and Fabio’s surprise wedding (prepared by Fabio) (Photo: Leo Jardim and Marcos Gomes)

That was three years ago. After starting in the role of Junior Office Assistant, referred by a friend, he is now a Senior Office Manager. “I’m still a bit shy when I’m somewhere new and I can be very quiet until I understand the environment, but my initial insecurity didn’t last long at Synechron, thanks to an awesome team that welcomed me with open arms.

“Now I have come out at work, and I really feel accepted for who I am. I get on with every single person in the company and I feel that I can talk to anyone, even somebody senior. The company is open and such a good place to work.”

When he first joined Synechron, Vitor was unsure of who he would find there. He feared being judged and was worried about how his colleagues might perceive him. “I’m from Brazil and most of my colleagues at Synechron are from India.

“I was really unsure of how they would think of me considering our different cultural backgrounds and the way it could affect how they view different sexual orientations.”

Vitor walks down the aisle with his parents at his surprise wedding (Photo: Leo Jardim and Marcos Gomes)

Vitor corrected anyone who inferred ‘she’ when speaking about whether he had a partner or not. But it wasn’t until he returned from his own surprise wedding celebrations (organized by his husband in January 2020) that he was fully transparent about who he was at work.

“The fear was all in my head, to be honest. Nobody had ever said or done anything that would insinuate they were not okay with my sexual orientation at work, but I still find it extremely hard to be myself until I feel I am in a safe space.

“I am so glad I was wrong about it because it was exactly those colleagues from India that I had been unsure of as to how they would react that were celebrating so much and were the happiest for me. They truly made me feel at home.”

Synechron is a proud partner of the myGwork LGBTQ+ business community.