Phillip Schofield has told how the pressure of keeping his sexuality a secret forced him to run off the set of This Morning to be sick.
The TV presenter says he had to leave co-host Holly Willoughby to hold the fort.
On another occasion, Schofield - who read Harry Potter books to get him through the difficult time - had to desert an interview with Annie Lennox over the stress.
The star came out as gay in an Instagram post in February.
“You’re f***ing up everything"
In an extract from his new book published by The Sun, Phillip said: "If I didn’t, the secret was going to give me a total breakdown... at best.”
"I had to come out," writes the 58-year-old.
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He added that a voice in his head told him: “You’re f***ing up everything and everyone and there’s no way to stop it.”
In the memoir Life's What You Make of It, the star described being in the "darkest of places" and being "emotionally, fundamentally scared."
The star also called himself: "a work in progress" since coming out, adding: "I'm not fixed, not yet."
Recalling vomiting at ITV studios, Schofield said: "It was the first time my issues had spilled over into work. Another day I had to leave a fashion item to be sick. I now knew that I needed professional help."
Schofield added that he "unequivocally" did not know he was gay when he married wife Stephanie in 1993. The pair have two children together: Molly, 27, and Ruby, 24.