In a land not that far away, ice creams are serving, faces are smiling and roller coasters are screeching: the legendary pleasure park Dreamland Margate
has reopened. As original Dreamland regulars in their mis-spent youth, born and bred Kent girls Jodie Harsh and Amy Zing headed down to the launch event to try out the rides for Attitude and see if Dreamland is everything they remembered it to be...
The girls have jumped on a train at from London St Pancras and can't believe it when they're already on the Kent coast in one hour. Upon arrival in Margate - now known as Hackney-On -Sea if you're a Guardian reader - Amy and Jodie relive tales of getting fingered under the Looping Star. As if by magic, Jodie falls desperately in love with a rugby-built tattooed security guard and spends the rest of the day pining for him...
Upon arriving at the Dreamland site, it becomes evident that this whole park is one big Instagram moment after another. What a shame we sent these two wall flowers. Don't look, they just want to blend in!
And now for the rides. Jodie is baffled over the controversial statement painted on the side of their teacup whilst simultaneously working out how fast she can run back to the station in those heels to bag her man.
Ah, the helta skelta. Is there anything comparable to sitting on a doormat and whizzing down a long wooden bench in a sequinned leotard? Amy's face says no!
"Hi, yes, I ordered an Uber Luxe and they've sent an Uber X, please deal with it."
Jodie was so excited to finally mount something that she started to untuck, giving Amy a big surprise she really wasn't expecting.
Our roving reporters quickly posed for a picture on yet another fun attraction at the UK's only heritage fun park, before disembarking before the ride started in order to send emails. Spoil sports.
Just like Kylie Minogue and Tom Cruise, Harsh and 'Zing are much smaller in real life than they look on Instagram.
A thoroughly modern family! #TourGuides
Despite claiming to have lived off nothing but Starbucks since 2001, Jodie was quick to wolf down ice creams and whatever other edible things she could get her hands on.
And the verdict? The girls loved Dreamland - it's quaint, campy and a real slice of a bygone era. Margate is the place to be and Dreamland is the icing on the cake.
Sink The Pink are bringing their mayhem to Dreamland for a night of Cockles and Muscles with Jonny Woo, Bourgeois and Maurice and Kris Di Angelis on August 29th. The perfect time to come and check out Dreamland. Not to be missed!