Finding a guy nowadays can be as easy as waking up in the morning, opening an app, clicking on a profile you like the look of, and arranging to meet up. Grindr, Scruff, Tinder; these are just a few of the apps on the market to help you find Mr Right Now. But finding Mr Right can be a trite more difficult.
It’s not surprising so many people use dating apps. Plenty of potential hook-up opportunities or chances of a relationship with just a click or swipe right is an appealing prospect, and much easier than the traditional method of actually venturing out into the cold to meet a guy in a bar only to get upstaged by the Zac Efron lookalike (before he overdid the protein shakes, obvs) in the corner. How gay guys ever managed without Grindr? I don’t know.
However, I have to ask, with so many of us using these apps and basically judging a guy by how many abs he has showing in his profile picture, are we missing out on getting to know a guy and working out whether or not he’s right for us on a deeper level?
My inner preacher is coming out again, but there is a lot more to a guy than what they look like. I try not to judge a book by the cover so to speak, but I’ve been guilty in the past of swiping left to someone whose profile picture doesn’t suit my “typical” taste. However, could I have missed an opportunity to find someone special if I had perhaps looked past the odd faux pas in their profile picture?
I have fortunately found my Prince Charming (on a dating app as it happens!), but perhaps it’s worth moving past the profile picture and actually getting to know a guy on a deeper level. Find out what you have in common and work out whether your personal values match.
Interestingly enough, if you are lucky enough to grab yourself a decent guy on one of these apps, would you delete the dating apps? I remember when I started dating Matt I kept some of them on my phone, and not for the reasons you may be thinking! At first it was due to my insecurities that he would find someone better, so I felt like I needed to have options for when the inevitable occurred.
Me and Matt had the talk and discovered the relationship was serious and we both deleted the apps from our phones and the rest is history. There was also almost an addiction that I had to kick, to not naturally open the dating app, to not have to search for that next guy to fuck or provide me a comforting arm to rest on. It can be a great relief off your mind, removing the added pressure of picking that perfect profile picture or juggling multiple conversations like you’re working on a telephone switchboard.
In a highly scientific test I conducted (a Twitter poll), I wanted to find out what you the readers thought about this; how would you feel about your boyfriend still having dating apps on his phone if you were in a monogamous relationship? I was really interested in the results. Basically, half of you would kick your boyfriend’s arse out of the house and half of you wouldn’t really care! I would totally Beyoncé his arse and everything he owned would be in a box to the left. But is there really any justification for keeping apps on your phone?
Research conducted last year by HTC found that a quarter of Britons still use dating apps even when in a relationship. A lot of people seem to be finding love and relationships now through their phones, with 37 per cent of people surveyed saying they had found a partner this way, but the important question is WHY? Why do you still need the app if you are in a relationship?
I know what you’re thinking, there are many reasons, such as being an open relationship or perhaps the relationship hasn’t actually got to the stage where you have defined exactly what it is so seeing others is still acceptable. But once you’ve worked out the finer details and developed to the more serious stage, is having Grindr still on your phone acceptable? I say not but that’s just my opinion. And it’s especially not acceptable to be lying to your partner about it. I’m a little ashamed to say but I used to download Grindr or Gaydar every so often just to check if Matt was using them in secret (my paranoia getting the better of me). Although I am happy to report I am completely recovered from these flashes of insanity!
So, let me round this column up, you need to be open and honest with your partner; if you suspect them of keeping an app on their phone then simply ask them and talk about it. Don’t go to the extremes I did because it will end up driving you crazy and if they refuse to delete the apps, then it’s probably safe to say he isn’t the one for you. It may be that by committing to your guy you give him the inspiration to finally get the app detox he badly needs.