The Attitude Guide to Manscaping

2016-03-24
These days, the manscape is as much a staple of the male grooming routine as the moisturise and mani-pedi (No? Just us then), but if you’re one of the swathes of guys who still finds themselves engaged in aerial gymnastics over a hand-held mirror, razor-blade dangled precariously over your most precious assets, then our guide is here to help – and with a new generation of tailor-made tools, your bi-weekly spruce up shouldn’t be anything other than quick, clean and comfortable... DO Invest in the right tools First things first: bite the bullet and get yourself a proper intimate-use body hair trimmer. It’s 2015 people; there’s no excuse for spraining your wrist while contorting yourself into some unspeakable position holding a pair of nail scissors. Don’t get us started on the pitfalls of putting a razor blade down there (more on that later), and a run-of-the-mill beard trimmer or side-burn edger isn’t going to cut the mustard either when it comes to accuracy and efficiency. Plus, do you really want that coming near your face again? Heed our call: that hair ain’t going away anytime soon, so make the manscape as easy and painless as possible. Keep the chest trim and tidy Gone are the days of the ‘70s porn bush or Marky-Mark wet shave: a well-groomed but naturally-looking physique is what all the boys are after. You want to keep what god gave you; you just want to keep it from curling over the collar of your shirt. How much you take off is up to you, but use the aforementioned trimmer with interchangeable settings to get a consistent length. As a guide, that sharp yet still-masculine aura is usually best expressed when the hair is short enough to hug the body but long enough not to look like 5 o’clock shadow – what we would call ‘the Bradley Cooper’. Keep downstairs under control Without putting too fine a point on it, trimming the lawn keeps the tree looking bigger. Length-wise, things should be long and soft enough to be inviting, but if you’re at the point where you can plait it, hack it. When it comes to the rear, that’s matter of personal taste, but no one wants to feel like they’ve just had to trek through the Amazon. Tidy the eyebrows, armpits and nostrils When it comes to eyebrow plucking, less is decidedly more. Make sure there are two, but under no circumstances should you come away looking like you got into a fight with a sharpie and lost. Keep the armpits trim and be sure to get rid of that one hair that bewilderingly appears two inches apart from the rest. For the nostrils, keep that nose clean: Not even the prettiest face can pull off protruding black ropes that Tarzan could swing from. Keep your gear clean You wouldn’t eat with dirty cutlery and the same philosophy should be applied to your grooming equipment. Keep it well-oiled and most definitely clean to avoid rashes, irritation and all-around nastiness. For the quickest and cleanest clear-up, opt for an intimate shower-proof groomer which you can easily rinse-off afterwards. foow-1-40-year-old-virgin DON'T Go bare down there The pre-pubescent look doesn’t just verge on the creepy; it’s high maintenance, itchy and uncomfortable after approximately 24 hours and comes with the ever-present threat of cuts, bumps and ingrown hairs. Avoid. Wet shave Likewise, unless you’ve got tryouts for the local water polo team, clean-shaving any part of your body is no-no if you’re of the hairy variety. This is manscaping, not deforestation. It’ll come back angry and aggressive, and unless you’ve got a body sculpted by the gods you’ll lose the extra definition and appearance of muscle that carefully-groomed body hair brings. Leave a defined line Usually a result of the above, we speak from experience when we say there’s nothing more ungainly than a bald backside meeting a pair of leg hair stockings. Easily avoidable by using an electric groomer with interchangeable comb lengths, you can subtly blend together those key areas where top meets bottom for a natural, ‘I woke up lyke dis’ look. Get creative It might be called manscaping, but you shouldn’t resurface from the bathroom looking like Capability Brown decided to mount a comeback on your torso. That means no triangles, heart-shapes, landing strips, tribal patterns or architectural recreations of the Sistine Chapel sheared into your nether regions. This isn’t Crufts. Get in, get out, and keep it looking relaxed and effortless. Use a home waxing kit You are not in an Adam Sandler movie. More stories: Meet Mr Gay Belgium's first ever Muslim finalist What's it really like getting a back, crack and sack wax? Three brave men find out