Bimini reveals years-long struggle with addiction: “There’s been times I didn’t want to be here anymore”

Singer and Drag Race UK star Bimini has spoken out how their ongoing battle against drugs and alcohol addiction in an emotional new episode of their podcast.

Speaking candidly on The Pieces, the performer has revealed they have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and later stated: “I have a substance abuse disorder.”

Bimini, aged 31, says their issues with addiction date back to their early 20s, prior to their starmaking appearance on the second series of Drag Race UK. Despite coming runner-up in the series, they have inarguably become one of the biggest stars to ever come from the franchise.

“There were times when I didn’t know what I should be doing for myself and sometimes I think that made me look like I felt like I was maybe better than Drag Race, but it’s not the truth,” they say on the episode. “I’m so grateful for Drag Race and everything that I got from Drag Race.”

“I slipped back into a cycle. I got chewed up and spat out by powerful men”

They went on to explain that their overnight fame in 2021 caused them to relapse after a year of total sobriety from both alcohol and drugs. “I just didn’t cope well,” they shared. “I slipped back into a cycle. I got chewed up and spat out by powerful men.”

Bimini even revealed that at certain points they have contemplated their life, saying: “There’s been times where I didn’t want to be here anymore but I’ve managed to get through and get to this point.” The star says they are speaking out now as they feel ready to “sort [their] shit out” and because they “need to tell [their] truth.”

The episode is now live on all major podcast platforms. You can read excerpts from the podcast below.

“There has been some incredible amazing opportunities and I’ve got to do some things that I can only ever have dreamed of, but over those years I’ve battled with addiction, depression and anxiety and it’s been a continuing cycle. I’ve really struggled to accept and admit it and I felt so much shame. At times not known where to go or where to look. I felt weak and I lost myself. But I can’t continue that cycle anymore. I need to break it.”

“I think the only way to do that is to be fully accepting of my journey and what led me to it and how I got there. How it affected me, and the people it affected around me. I needed help at times, but I don’t think I was ready to help myself. I felt an immense pressure that I was putting on myself. I got the opportunity to do my wildest dreams, and I’m forever grateful of that. I never want it to feel like I’m ungrateful, but I guess at times I felt quite undeserving, especially when I was in a shame cycle.”

“I’ve been diagnosed now anxiety and depression and I’m getting mental health help from doctors. I’ve started back in therapy which I’ve been up and down with over the years. Sometimes mind has been racing so much and there’s so much going on, that I turned to drugs and drink to quieten that. Sometimes It’s a coping mechanism that if I look back through my life, it’s always kind of been with me.“

“In my early 20s, I went through addiction, but there have been long periods of abstinence from that. Eight years in fact, where I had fought it. I felt like I was strong and I was very proud of myself for that. I’d left those demons in the past. Unfortunately, I don’t think I had dealt with it the way that I should have done. Then Drag Race UK came around. Before that, I’d done a whole year of sobriety, that included no alcohol.“

“After Drag Race, I was getting to do such amazing things. I was so grateful. I remember shooting four press front covers in a month and I’m a little queer working class kid from Great Yarmouth who could only have dreamt of this. I just didn’t cope well and I felt so much pressure, almost like a fraud and I didn’t deserve it. I slipped back into a cycle. I got chewed up and spat out by powerful men, or men that I thought had power, that would dangle my career in front of me and not just threaten, took me through hell that I was not publicly able to share, I wasn’t able to talk about. I was silenced, and it affected me in such a dark way that I couldn’t cope and I didn’t know what to do anymore because I was still working. I was in a lawsuit with someone that I trusted, who put me through hell back for eight months. I lost so much money. I lost so much credibility within the Drag Race sphere because of issues with merchandise that I wasn’t allowed to address. People were scammed and I felt so deeply responsible for this. Unfortunately it all caught up on me and then since then it has been a battle for the last three and a half years.“

“It’s not linear, and there’s some times where I felt stronger again, and I can cope. But then the darkness takes over again, and it has been like that since. There’s been times where I didn’t want to be here anymore but I’ve managed to get through and get to this point, even though the journey has been hard, this last year I’ve been on a path of really kind of a deeper understanding that I need to I need to open up. I need to speak about things. I need to talk. I need to tell my truth. I need to tell my story.“

“There were times when I didn’t know what I should be doing for myself and sometimes I think that made me look like I felt like I was maybe better than Drag Race, but it’s not the truth. I’m so grateful for Drag Race and everything that I got from Drag Race. I fucking loved it. I watched that show all of the time. There was a lot of gossip within the community about what I was going through and my troubles with addiction and my troubles with drugs and they were from friends that I felt really hurt by. Friends that weren’t looking out for me because they would rather talk about what I was going through than directly ask me if I needed help. And do you know what? I’m not saying that they’re to blame. I don’t think I was ready to admit things that at the time anyway. I came up through the scene where there is a lot of alcohol. There is a lot of drugs. The community really does struggle with it. But I have decided that enough is enough and I can’t continue anymore.“

“I need to let go of all of that pain and all of that trauma that I’ve built up over the years and no longer blame myself, no longer blame anyone else. I have a substance abuse disorder and this is something that is ongoing and something that I am trying my hardest battle with and deal with. I will get there, and I know I will. I can’t keep continuing that cycle, and that pattern, and it needs to break. And the only way to do that is to admit that I have a problem. And there’s power there.“

“I definitely feel like I’m in a stronger place, otherwise I wouldn’t be sat here right now saying this. This is something that I’ve wanted to address since, for three years. I want to be honest. This is the year that I finally sort my shit out. deal with it, and be open and honest. I just want everyone to know that I’m not letting this happen anymore. I’m taking back the control of the narrative that’s happened over the years. I want to get back to being happy. I want to get back to being a really positive light and a happy person and dealing with everything head on in the best way and being a boss bitch that I know I am.”

“And I know the journey is going to be difficult to get there. I can’t say right now I’m free from addiction. Addiction is a disease that is always going to be within me, but I’m going to be doing my best to change that. I’m ready to love myself.“