Harry Hitchens on 4OD documentary ‘Gay Sex, Apps and Me’

A lot has changed for Harry Hitchens since making the semi-finals of BBC One’s Young Apprentice way back in 2011. After coming out in a moving YouTube video in January last year, the 18-year-old has immersed himself in the world of gay dating apps for new 4oD documentary Gay Sex, Apps and Me.

The short film sees Harry delve into the pros and cons of young gay guys turning to technology for the first time. Intrigued, I gave the young Stonewall Role Model a call to see how he got on…

What inspired you to make this film about gay sex apps?
“Well, it was very relevant to where I am now. Having newly come out, trying to get a boyfriend can prove difficult. Although I lived in Brighton I went to a private school and there wasn’t massive diversity there, so I logged on to Grindr when I was 16 – and I was expecting something different! I was expecting lots of nice young guys to talk to – I didn’t even know what a top or a bottom was at this point – and that’s probably why I made the documentary, because there are so many young people out there who have no clue. It’s quite concerning in some ways but Grindr is the first port of call for many people. And safe to say I didn’t get what I expected.”

What were those first experiences of using the apps like?
“A lot of dick pics! And I remember receiving pictures of men in bondage gear who’d start conversations by telling me what they wanted to do to me – and then I figured out the filter! But I suppose I was a bit naïve in that respect. I thought it was a relationship app and although I suppose it can be used for that, I don’t think it is. One thing I also found is that everyone is so hostile, but it’s so addictive. You can see in the film, I was all giddy at one point, I was so into it. That’s the nature of the app; it’s like putting a coin into a slot machine. You get the constant buzz of people paying you attention and that can be addictive. And the fact that it doesn’t have any verifications and is a bit risky is perhaps its biggest selling-point. If people didn’t have anonymity it probably wouldn’t be as popular.”

Did you find it a bit alienating that this was your first experience of the ‘gay community’?
“Yeah, it was concerning, because that’s the only glimpse I got of it and for a long time I thought that’s the only thing the gay community had to offer, and that was so scary. But having gone out more and met new people you realise there’s a lot more to the gay community than all [these apps].”

What kind of guys were messaging you?
“Well it’s across the spectrum. It’s either been much older men or much younger men – younger than 18. I work with Stonewall a lot and they were telling me that nearly 20% of 14-16 year-old gay guys have used one of these apps, and that means there are underage minors hooking up with much older guys a lot of the time. It’s not safe and if anything it’d be great if this film could make people think about how they use them, because I would never say it was wrong to use them.”

But can these apps be a useful tool for younger guys who are feeling isolated at school or at home?
“I think it depends who you are. It must be really hard to live somewhere where there are no gay people – or you think there are no gay people. You think you’re the only gay in the village but then you switch on Grindr and there might be 13 other gay people in the village! But at the same time it just has to be used really carefully, and I wish there was a way for younger gay people under 18 to contact other young people, people their age, innocently, without the pressure of doing it via a dating app. I think just general communication should be encouraged without the pressure of it being a sexual relationship.”

You met up with someone through an app for the first time in the documentary – how was that?
“It was good, much better than I anticipated! I probably would have gone on a date with him even if it wasn’t for the programme. I gave it a proper shot and I was very clear that I just wanted a drink, but that wasn’t on his agenda at all and I got that from the outset. I spent two hours with the guy because I felt so bad! My director and film crew were like ‘Where have you been?!’ He was a nice guy but it wasn’t for me. It was a shame it had to end like that.”

Did you feel pressure to stay despite not wanting anything from it?
“Well, there are so many people we met who said the same thing. There was this young guy we met, and he lost his virginity with a guy on Grindr, and he wasn’t who he said he was. He was a completely different guy but he still slept with him. And I don’t think that’s a reflection on him at all, I think a lot of people would do that purely because it’s hard to say no. But you can; you can say no at any point and that’s the crucial thing.”

At one point in the film someone offers you cash for sex?
“I think that guy offered me £50 for a suck and a fuck – which I thought was underselling myself so I declined! No, that’s not the only reason I declined, it was on a moral basis as well, but seriously, it’s terrible! But some of the guys who said they’d pay me, they were a lot older but they were good-looking guys. I thought, ‘I wonder why you don’t just go with someone your own age?’ It’s crazy but people do do it. It was quite weird and I was creeped out.”

Your “coming out video” on YouTube got a huge number of views last year. Why did you want to come out in that way?
“I was making YouTube videos for about a year, but no one on my YouTube knew. I’d been out for a month or two and even my YouTube friends and creators didn’t know. So I went to Hyde Park and got my mate Ryan and told him I was gay, and he was like ‘Cool man, so what are we filming today?’ and I was like, ‘My coming out video!’ The reason I made it was because of all the coming out videos that helped me. I’d watch them over and over again thinking about how they [the guys] were all doing. And that’s why I made it, because those were so helpful for me, and after I came out I was almost angry with myself, because I was like ‘This is fine! Everyone is fine with it! Why was I such an idiot to keep it in for so long!’”

What do you think are some of the other issues facing young gay people today?
“I think there’s big issues facing every gay person and there’s the reluctance of people to fight for equal rights. My good friend told me, ‘Harry, stop banging on about being gay,’ but I won’t stop banging on about it! It might be fine in London or Brighton but think about different parts of the country or different parts of the world, where people are being killed for being who they are. I think there are so many people crushing that conversation because they think it’s OK here now. And I think young gay people should stand against that.”

What do you hope young people watching the film will take away from it?
“I really hope they don’t think I’m being too judgey. I want them to know that the apps are there to be used and they’re great if you feel isolated, but you’ve got to make sure you’re robust enough to manage it properly. If you log on and make a couple of mistakes or get yourself into a situation, the best thing is to talk to somebody, because the dangerous thing is not telling someone you’re hooking up with someone you’ve never met before. It’s about having a conversation about it, and young gay people don’t get that kind of education at the moment.”

Gay Sex, Apps and Me is available on 4OD – click here to watch it now. You can follow Harry on Twitter @harryhitchens