Morrissey’s debut novel wins Bad Sex in Fiction Award

Morrissey’s List of the Lost wasn’t exactly engulfed in critical acclaim when it was released back in September, but it has picked up one prize – though perhaps not the kind he was aiming for.

The former Smiths frontman’s debut novel, about four Boston relay runners who are cursed by an old man in the woods, picked up the Bad Sex in Fiction Award last night (December 1) at a ceremony hosted by Nancy Dell’Olio.

The annual award – which has been handed out every year since 1993 – aims to draw attention to “poorly written, perfunctory or redundant passages of sexual description in modern fiction” in the aim of stamping them out for good.

The extract which earned Morrissey his winning nomination included references to a man’s “bulbous salutation”, which then “whacked and smacked” its way into a woman. You can read it in in all its poetic glory below:

“At this, Eliza and Ezra rolled together into one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it whacked and smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.”

It’s not quite ‘Suedehead’, is it?

Sadly Morrissey was unavailable to collect his award in person due to touring commitments – but we’re sure he’s clearing space on his mantelpiece as speak.

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