RuPaul’s Drag Race Ru-cap, Episode 5: ‘Supermodel Snatch Game’

Oh wow. I see this one going down well online. Sometimes it feels like Ru is actively trolling fans, and this would certainly be one of those episodes.

So it’s Snatch Game week! The most anticipated episode of the season, Snatch Game often separates the women from the ladyboys: it made veritable stars of Jinkx Monsoon, Pandora Boxx and Ben De La Crème. It’s easy, you just have to do a hilarious celebrity impersonation on Blankety Blank. Simple.

Continuing Season 8’s theme of ‘More is More’, the queens also had to take their best Madonna drag to the Main Stage. It did not end well. Like watching a high speed crash in slow motion, let’s unravel the disaster, queen-by queen.

Bob The Drag Queen (A)

Another well-deserved win for Bob. I’d seen Bob’s ‘Crazy Eyes’ before and was praying she’d bring the impersonation to Snatch Game. Michelle Visage made a valid point about Bob and ‘showboating’: the second, Carol Channing character almost bordered on aggressive – Bob stampeding over her competitors. Another Jurassic Park ‘Clever Girl’ moment on the Main Stage – the cub scout costume exhibited how switched on to pop culture Bob is, side-stepping obvious Madonna moments.

Thorgy Thor (B-)

Anyone else bored of the very scripted ‘feud’ between Bob and Thorgy? Doesn’t quite ring true does it? Anyway, Thorgy’s Michael Jackson (we’re not even commenting on queens doing male drag anymore apparently) was hilarious (if easy).

Thorgy was one of FOUR ‘Nothing Really Matters’ Madonnas on the Main Stage and you just know there was an internal memo about that clusterfuck: ‘Hi Ru, it’s Sue in Production. Hi. So we have four contestants doing the same drag. Make them draw lots or throw them all under the bus in the name of awkward TV horror? OK, horror it is. Thanks. Bye.’
Maybe the Jackson was better uncut, but I wasn’t as impressed as the judges seemed to be.

Derrick Barry (B-)

It’s literally Britney, bitch. Some glimpses of what Barry has to offer, although again nothing to write home about. Another of the kimono girls, I’m glad the judges gave her a break this week, although watching her impending breakdown has taken on a charm of its own.

Kim Chi (C)

OK, let’s assume her version of Kim Jong-un was funnier unedited. I’m gonna be picky – Kim wearing a kimono was probably the least imaginative option for her. At least her walk is getting better.

Chi Chi Devayne (C)

This year’s Trinity K Bonet? I liked her Eartha Kitt a lot – although why not actually dress as Catwoman? Has a fire under her ass more than any of the other girls, although her Gaultier Madonna drag was Basic Madonna 101.

Robbie Turner (D)

I continue to not ‘get it’. Saying you were shit on Snatch Game because your had a SORE THROAT should have been instant dismissal for me. Should have just done Anna Wintour, hun.

Naomi Smalls (E)

Possibly the less said about her performance the better. Let’s just get straight to it.

Acid Betty (Eliminated)

I accidentally spoiled the outcome this week while fact checking something on Wiki-fucking-pedia. Won’t be doing that again. OK, I said to myself, if this is right and Betty does go, there MUST be some sort of Willam drama where she’s disqualified for rolling beads, Showgirls style, onto the Main Stage. There is no way, I thought, that Betty is going home while the likes of Robbie, Chi Chi and Naomi are still in the contest.

Oh Ru, put down your stirring spoon, you wee scamp.

Yeah, this wasn’t fair. Did I want Betty to win? No, but as with seminal cinema classic Bring It On, I define winning as competing against the best and destroying them. Her patchy Nancy Grace aside, Betty was among the very best this season. Her runway looks – including her Bedtime Stories Madonna – were breathtaking. She was, in fact, probably the most polished Drag Queen this season… or possibly ANY season. And she was eliminated for one wrong move. Had Naomi turnt out a truly Manila lipsynch, I’d be like, OK, fair’s fair, but Smalls just wafted her nekkid body around like a stripper on Quaaludes.

JUSTICE FOR BETTY.

Maybe she’ll come back, but we already played that card this season. And brought back Naysha. I can’t.

Next week, the queens makeover the cast of reality show Little Women, although I find it hard to care. I’m sulking.

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