The very best hits (and misses) of Stock Aitken Waterman

This week, pop legend Pete Waterman hosts a very special night at the London Royal Festival Hall to look back at his triumphant career. Guests including Hazell Dean and Claire Richards will be on hand to dust off some of his amazing pop classics. To get us in the mood, Attitude’s Christian Guiltenane takes a step back in time to highlight some of Pete Waterman’s best – and most underrated – pop classics…Do They Know It’s Christmas – Band Aid 2 (1989)

Five years after Sir Bob raised millions for starving kids in Ethiopia, Pete Waterman and his cronies pulled in the creme de la creme of the Hit Factory (Kylie, Jason, Sonia and Big Fun) as well as few more credible stars (Wet Wet Wet, Lisa Stansfield, The Pasadenas, Cathy Dennis, Chris Rea and, er, Bros) for a hiNRG reworking of Do They Know It’s Christmas. Packed into Pete’s Borough studio, Mr Christmas himself Cliff Richard provided the vocal backbone upon which everyone hung. In the clip (which aped the 1984 original), Cliff can be seen clutching on to his massive earphones like they were some kind of life support, Sonia almost deep throating her mic with her massive gob and Matt Goss spectacularly frugging out in the rousing closing choruses, forcing grumpy Sarah Dallin from Bananarama to crack a very rare smile. Miracle! To some this is the definitive version (well, to PWL fans anyway!), but it’s fair to say it’s waaaay better than the godawful versions that followed years later which both sucked like gummy grannies.

Love Truth Honesty – Bananarama (1988)

Long before Girls Aloud stropped their way into our lives, Bananarama were the queens of mean. Like three stroppy lipsynching Heathers (or Mean Girls, if you’re under 30), they stomped across the chart miserably belting out tunes in unison (you try to identify their individual vocals – you just can’t.). This entry, featuring new gal Jacqui Sullivan, is one of their more glum affairs (though still wrapped up in a tinny SAW package), but is sensational nevertheless.

Listen To Your Heart – Sonia (1990)

Happy go lucky Scouse scally Sonia Evans was SAW’s Woolworths answer to Kylie Minogue. Arguably a better vocalist, she was given some right corkers. You’ll Never Stop Me Loving You gave her a debut number one and paved the way for an album of joyous SAW stompers. This was her third single and by far her best, with its infectious euphoric sing-song chorus. She claimed on a TV show that the two sinister shadowy dancers (whose moves suggested they had just got back from an illegal rave) were actually her stablemates Big Fun, which meant that either one of them didn’t make the cut, or they simply too embarrassed to slip into the required baggy pastel pink suit.

What Do I Have To Do Kylie (1991)

Having snogged the ever so dirty Michael Hutchence for about five minutes in 1990, Kylie was all sexed up and on the pop prowl. After she’d jumped around to Better the Devil You Know and Lady Miss Kiered herself up to Step Back In Time, she decided to go all sultry for this super stylish black and white opus, featuring her devastatingly handsome new boyfriend Zane O’Donnell. With her hair teased into a bouffant like Bardot, Kyles is a total vixen as she wriggles around the floor in a leopard print fur, faux lezzes it up on the dancefloor and, er, does some ironing. Kylie’s best PWL song and video for sure. NOTE: In the nightclub scene, keep an eye out for Kylie’s kid sister Dannii gyrating like a maniac in a blonde bob wig. Blink and you’ll miss her (just like her career! Joke! We love you Dannii!).

Did I Say Ti Amo – Fresh (1992)

These two brothers were best known for singing the theme tune to a Saturday morning agony aunt show for kids called SpeakEasy! This SAW tune was a triumph, but sadly came at a time when their hold over the charts was on the wane. Rarely heard, this is a song that – had Kylie or Jason had got their mitts on it – would have been a chart stormer! Shame. Note: You may recognise one of the guys as Roger Wright from that Jesus Christ Superstar reality show.

All Mixed Up – The Twins (1991)

By the time the Alessi twins from Neighbours released this tinny gem, the entire population of Ramsay Street had had been on Top of the Pops. Including Madge Bishop! Although it borrowed heavily from the club scene (and Kylie’s Better the Devil Know), fans didn’t give a rat’s ass and left the tune to gather dust on Woolworths shelves. Which is a shame as it’s a damn fine pop song!

RSVP – Jason Donovan (1991)

Obviously having discovered the 90s club setting on their Bontempi, SAW decided to give Jason Donovan’s sickly sweet output a kick in the pants. Long gone was the ploddy slow disco of Another Night and the lethargic beats of Hang On To Your Love, and in their place came this dancefloor sing-a-long. It might not have topped the charts like previous efforts, but it was by far one of Jase’s finest moments.

Turn It Into Love – Kylie (1988)

Criminally not released as a single in the UK, this track from Kylie’s debut album topped the charts in Japan for eleven weeks. With its exuberant xylophone intro and lilting melody, this is one of SAW’s most amazing songs ever. Despite the hiNRG groove, there’s a melancholy in the verses that drew gay guys in like honey to a bee. Mike Stock said this was one of his favourite songs he’d written but then went and gave it a beefy reworking for Kylie’s stablemate Hazell Dean, who managed beat the mother-effing life out of it with her laboured vocals and a terrible production. NOTE: Same Difference dusted off this track a few years ago for their debut album and it wasn’t half bad!

That’s What Love Can Do – Boy Krazy (1993)

It’s a total mystery why this dandy track was never a massive hit. Perhaps it was due to the unforgivable ‘K’ in the group’s name, or perhaps the world had simply grown tired of SAW by 1993. Nevertheless, the song is a sensation that those few who did get to hear it still relish it to this day! As they say, you can never keep a good song down, and years later, dodgy no-hit wonder girl band Toutes Le Filles (featuring three girls from Ooop North) covered the track but fared just as badly.

Cliff Richard – Just Don’t Have The Heart (1989)

Ever wondered what a 60-year-old man grooving to a hiNRG pop anthem looks like? Wonder no more and check out this vintage clip of Cliff Richard throwing ludicrous shapes at Wembley, clad in a sparkly white evangelist’s suit. As it goes, the song – supposedly written for Jason Donovan – is a corker; catchy, melodic and totally joyful. It’s perhaps advisable to listen to this without watching the video because Sir Cliff’s baggy trews may distract you from the genius of the song.

Free To Love Again – Suzette Charles (1993)

Around 91 /92 /93 SAW began branching out and embracing R&B sounds. Suzette Charles, a former beauty queen, was the muse for this thoroughly pleasant and classy tune. Sadly, it was just too sophisticated for the pop-loving crowd of the time who were happier getting pissed up in a field waving glow sticks in the air.

If I Have To Stand Alone – Lonnie Gordon (1990)

Fresh from a top-five hit with the sensational Happening Over All Over Again (which came long before Corrie’s Tracy Shaw got her bruised paws all over it), the toothsome Lonnie Gordon unleashed this fantastically noisy pop juggernaut. In some ways, this anthem was even better than her debut hit, sounding like the musical equivalent of a runaway train, and deserved huge success. Unbelievably, the tune failed to make the top 40.

Handful Of Promises – Big Fun (1990)

Ah, the 90s. A time when hooded tops, white jeans and Timbalands were all the rage. And Big Fun – that trio of dandy falsetto fellas – were their biggest advocates. This single (following their smash hit cover of the Jackson’s Blame It On the Boogie and Can’t Shake This Feeling) is a great tune, complete with that super cool ‘Woh! Yeah!’ sample that every dance record had at the time. The boys were cute, the tune an absolute corker, but the high pitch of their vocals deem the song barely listenable, which is a shame. For a laugh, check out their middle eight dance routine at two minutes – who the hell choreographed that?

Shocked – Kylie Minogue (1991)

After What Do I Have To Do, Kylie clearly had the horn, and in this PG-rated saucefest, she was on heat! The vid for this DNA remix of the much loved Rhythm of Love track opens with the pop vixen dressed in a fella’s suit, sharking a hunky guy (boyf Zane O’Donnell again) in some revolving doors before snogging his face off in the back seat of her car, while her androgynous chauffeur looks on. Filth. This was the last of the magical quartet of tunes from Rhythm Of Love and features not only a fabulous rap from Jazzie P (Pauline from Big Brother 2014), but Kylie apparently singing ‘fucked’ in the chorus. Go on, have a listen. ‘Fucked to my very foundations!’ Sounds painful!

When I’m Good & Ready – Sybil (1993)

Hot on the heels of her chart-munching hit The Love I Lost came this sparkly pop sensation. Complete with the bleepy sounds that Undercover had made so famous on their dance cover of Baker Street, this was a dancefloor filler and no mistake. In the likes of Sinitta’s hands, the sing-song chorus could have sounded sickly sweet, but Sybil’s impressive soul vocals give this a much needed boost of gravitas.

I Don’t Wanna get Hurt – Donna Summer (1989)

With the supreme This Time I Know It’s For Real having revived Donna Summer’s career, this soundalike epic followed swiftly afterwards. Rumour has it Donna thought the song sounded too young for her and refused to appear in the video, which is no bad thing as it was then filled by a cast of pretty young things larking about and – in one scene – inexplicably being terrorised by a demon dentist (eh?). The song itself is nothing short of a sensation – a powerful hiRNG bullet that thwacks you right between the ears. Joyous!

That’s The Way It Is – Mel & Kim (1988)

By the time this dance ditty was released, poor Mel Appleby was battling cancer so wasn’t able to appear in the video. The song itself is blueprint SAW: catchy chorus, energetic production but Mel and Kim’s sassy vocals gave the sugary melody some much needed bite.

Moving On – Bananarama (1992)

By 1992 our fave sour-faced fillies, the Bananas Sarah and Keren, had ditched Jacqui Sullivan to become a two-piece (not that you could tell the difference from their trademark deadpan vocals). This lead single from their last Waterman album Please Yourself was Pete Waterman’s first attempt at borrowing ABBA’s majestic sound. Although not a big hit, this flamboyant camp-them is pure hiNRG joy and is as silly as it is enjoyable. Pete obviously had faith in the old stomper as he kindly gifted it to Steps for their Steptacular album a few years later!

When You Come Back To Me – Jason Donovan (1989)

Ahh, 1989! A time when artists still released songs specifically for Christmas. This was Jason’s very lovely festive pressie to his army of spotty fans – an absolutely delightful sing-song that has choral oohs in the background ‘nah nah nahs’ in the chorus. It conjures up not only warm and snugly memories of Christmastimes of old, but also of Jase’s scary Count Duckula hairdo on Top Of The Pops (see clip).

All Of Me (Boy Oh Boy) – Sabrina (1988)

Sabrina was the busty Euro star of 1988 who scored a hit with the trash classic Boys Boys Boys and left the nation appalled when she exposed her nipples on TOTP in a soaking wet white top. Where else to turn for an equally trashy follow up than Pete Waterman and his band of merry men – and what a follow up it was. All Of Me is a mindless hiNRG romp, complete with relentless bassline, insanely catchy chorus and a camptastic video in which Sabrina – clad in a tight acid pink dress – jiggles her boobs around, while two unimpressed male dancers wearing denim shorts and flamboyant neckerchiefs throw all manner of shapes around her. The most unashamed example of disposable pop fluff SAW ever produced – but still a delicious guilty pleasure.

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