Sam Smith and Madonna’s Vulgar review: ‘A jaw-dropping declaration of resistance’
“Go f**k yourself! You heard me b***h! Say our f***ing names!”
It’s a relief when a gorgeous, Middle Eastern-inspired swell opens ‘Vulgar’ – Madonna’s new duet with Sam Smith – suggesting this isn’t the foray into gaudy tastelessness the name suggests.
Or is it? When a nefariously gruff voice interrupts, luxuriating in the word “vulg-aaaaaar,” the song clarifies itself. “Say! Our! Fucking! Names!” the evil AI demands. (HAL, is that you?) The crash, bang, wallop of militant percussion kicks in.
It’s chaos – the inevitable ‘Bitch I’m Madonna’-style self-referential shoutouts to come; the berserk, rulebook-breaking production choices of artists who no longer give AF (‘Vulgar’ lacks a chorus; more on that later) – but underneath it all is a mysterious, cinematic musicality fit for the soundtrack of a smoky, sexy adventure movie. It works, just.
“Look like I’m dressed to kill, love how I make me feel, […] move like Madonna…” spits Sam on the first verse. Not quite rap – there’s a hint of a melody – but talk-singing for sure. A brave move, given vocal maximalism is a Sam signature/fallback, enough to disarm even their fiercest detractors. (Elsewhere, their warped voice awkwardly elongates a vowel for three seconds. Which, for a song of two minutes, 35 seconds, is excessive.)
The ‘chorus’ itself is sparser still: sci-fi beats, strings, and monotone repetition of the title. Is that it? this reviewer wondered aloud. One shouldn’t be so, ahem, vulgar: Sam and Madge, naturally, are one step ahead, later teasing: “’Vulgar’ will make you dance, don’t need a chorus!” Touché.
“Hats off to Madonna – to defend a peer this vehemently is pretty cool”
Brilliantly, it’s Madonna who finally serves vocal flex. “Let’s get into the groove, you know just what to do,” she trills bewitchingly before the lyrics (and her tone) take a thrillingly confrontational turn. “If you fuck with Sam tonight, you’re fucking with me.” She sounds genuinely menacing. “So, watch what you say, or I’ll split your banana…”
Hats off to her. To defend a peer this publicly and vehemently is pretty cool, and to do so in the style of a Quentin Tarantino movie – sounding genuinely pissed off, but also sexy and absurd, especially on her pronunciation of “banana” – is genius. (She later sounds British on the word “gorgeous,” which is all kinds of nostalgic!)
M destroys the climax, pointing out with increasing urgency: “You know how to spell my name! B-I-T-C-H! Go fuck yourself! You heard me bitch!” Some would call insulting the listener the height of egomania. But as dutiful subs to Madonna’s dom, we’d call it a hell of a good time.
If Sam gets lost in the mix – suffice to say, TERFs who once loved In The Lonely Hour will find nothing to enjoy here – remember, they are the song. Sam’s music is no longer about melancholic crooning and themes of loneliness, but something more complicated. For instance, the perplexing contradiction of having the world’s most popular song – 2022’s epic, all-conquering Kim Petras duet ‘Unholy’ – while simultaneously being targeted with relentless, heinous public abuse. And if there’s one person who understands that…
“Got nothing left to prove when they call you vulgar,” Sam adds. Sure, the odd self-empowerment line veers into Jessie J album track territory, but context lends seriousness: Sam’s been called “vulgar” and a lot, lot worse in recent years – enough to break even the strongest person. To have turned the hate around to turbocharge ‘Unholy’ – and less effectively, ‘Vulgar’ – is nothing short of miraculous. That’s what being an artist is all about.
‘Vulgar’ is out now.