‘I’d log in at 9am after my fiancé had gone to work’: The tales of gay web-camming that helped inspire my play Self Tape
"A handful of them have allowed me to share their anecdotes in this article, but names have been changed to protect their identities"
Let’s rewind three years: with that one word, ‘lockdown’, the entire acting industry shut-up shop.
Droves of us were now out of work and seriously out of pocket, and within just a few weeks, several friends of mine – male and female – told me they’d begun ‘camming’. I.e., working as a webcam model, performing online for the sexual gratification of punters.
The anecdotes they shared ranged from the gentlest, most cutesy role-plays giving me the warm and fuzzies, to far darker scenarios that would leave my friends and colleagues feeling dirtied and deeply uncomfortable. It would seem the vast majority of the work was pretty ‘vanilla’ – stripping, masturbating to order, pretending to fuck or be fucked (often by disembodied voices, too shy to share their own cams), and simulating various acts with sex toys.
Alongside the stories they shared, I loved the prosaic details, too. There were certain peak-times that would be most lucrative: 10am to catch the evening Aussies or the very early New Yorkers was a proven ‘Happy Hour’ and I was made aware of various dick-saving ‘tricks’ substituting cum for lube with an admirable sleight of hand that would make Penn and Teller give a standing ovation. It would appear keeping ‘camera-ready’ in terms of physique and body hair was far more exhausting than many of them realised. That said, they could see the similarities between the acting profession and that of selling fantasies – both involve creating a role, telling a story, and ideally end in some form of applause (!) – well, the hands are definitely involved…
“I wanted to shine a light on the lives we actors live”
A handful of them have allowed me to share their anecdotes in this article, but names have been changed to protect their identities.
‘Ewan’ in his early-30s, once over the initial shock of the financial outlay for the equipment (a good camera, lighting, all the sex toys and types of underwear imaginable), found it helped to implement the routine of a regular office-job. “I’d log-in at 9am once my fiancé had left for work. He knew all about what I was doing, but I wanted to treat it like a standard working day, much like his. My laptop would be placed on my bed, the lights set-up, the photo of us on holiday in Spain upturned, my engagement ring off and I was good to go. I’d be stroking myself to keep myself hard whilst waiting for the doorbell chime that would tell me someone had entered my room, initially scared that someone I new would recognise me, but I soon got over that.”
Ewan’s highlights included the rare occasion when a really hot guy would share his cam. As he put it: “…there’s nothing hotter than a married bi-guy showing you his 10 inches.”
‘Gareth’ who is in his mid-20s, worked as a cam model for over two years. “A fun moment included a client who paid for me to wear tight, lace panties whilst straddling a pillow pretending it was his belly. He loved it when I wriggled around and blew raspberries on it. I felt a bit silly. Actually, I felt like a twat, but it was a lot better than some of the other shows. ‘Party Chat’ is when more than one client can join a private show. At one point, I had so many clients ordering me about, I forgot what I was doing. It became a discombobulated routine of men – and women – shouting, “Use the dildo! Finger! Jerk! Suck-it! Rub my clit! Jerk! Harder! Dildo! Bounce! I said finger!” I definitely skipped the gym that evening.”
The parallels with this world, and that of ‘self-taping’ (DIY filmed auditions that we as actors are asked to do at home) really began to hit home. I could see how these worlds mirrored one another, inspiring wish-fulfilment and fantasy but also desperation and manipulation. So, with my friends’ blessing, I wrote a one-man play Self Tape, threading all of their accounts, good and bad, into the show. I wanted to shine a light on the lives we actors live, but also help de-bunk the stigmatised work of cam models. They are deeply creative, imaginative individuals for whom I have nothing but the deepest respect.
Self Tape plays at the King’s Head Theatre, London (Angel tube) 18 June-2 July.