Bentley Bentayga S review: Travelling 1,000 miles in luxury
How to get seduced by a car: cover 1,000 miles in three days in hope rather than expectation, Attitude's Darren Styles says
Obert Parker, the world famous wine critic, whose celebrated 1-100 scoring system can send a vineyard or vintage’s values soaring into the stratosphere, was once honest enough to admit that one or two percentage points could get added to — or taken from — a score on account of the company in which any given wine was consumed.
“All reviewers are human,” he explained, “and any review can’t help but be impacted by the writer’s state of mind at the time. It’s art as well as science.” On which basis, one assumes, those sending a fine white burgundy for review might also send a couple of bon viveurs to share it. Thank you for agreeing to review our St Aubin premier cru; Stephen Fry and Jennifer Coolidge will be with you shortly.
If you think about it, that likely applies to every subjective review you encounter. Notwithstanding that Tripadvisor is awash with venting holidaymakers who’ve had a terrible time, whereas those who’ve enjoyed a pleasant break aren’t motivated to engage, a theatre critic sitting to see a show after a good day is inherently more likely to enjoy it than someone dogged by a cataclysmic day at the office.
” The scale of the thing gives it presence”
So, cards on the table, the Bentley Bentayga S that you see here, and I, shared a moment. And if I liked it before (and I did), then I loved it after. I don’t think my respect for a super-luxe SUV packing a V8 that delivers 542bhp was wanting on first encounter — the scale of the thing gives it presence, silver-painted wheels the size of the moon say you mean business, and the duo-tone cabin in Camel and Imperial Blue leather is akin to taking your front room on holiday. If your front room was assembled by craftsmen, trimmed in fine hides and dotted with carbon fibre. As it should be.
But go on holiday we did, of sorts. And this big, Oxford Blue Bentley was at the heart of the adventure.
To explain: I’ve been a season ticket holder at West Ham United as a gay man and boy (yes, that’s a stereotype you can hear shattering) and — for most of that five decades — my beloved team have been, give or take, pants. That being the technical term for a club that yo-yos between leagues and wins occasional affection but little else.
But last summer something odd happened. West Ham qualified for the Europa League, got to play teams we’d never heard of in places we’d never been to and ended up in the quarter-finals. In Lyon.
I’m in my mid-50s, have never seen my team play abroad — mostly on account of it never happening and/or being too dangerous when it did — and this, it seemed, was the moment. Flights from London were ridiculously expensive, if available at all, tickets via official channels were long gone. But I did have a Bentley on loan. On the drive. Looking at me. Of course you would, if you could. So I did.
A thousand miles in luxury
I packed it with partner, sibling and pals — Five Up In Lyon is not a Bel Ami special, it transpires — and with the kind permission of the car’s maker set out to cover 1,000 miles in three days. You’d imagine it to be a marathon rather than a sprint, but it became a bit of both — so quick, refined and comfortable was the Bentayga, and so glorious the guttural V8 on kickdown, that ticking off miles at pace became a sport in its own right.
As I explained to the nice Gendarme when handing over €90 for a minor indiscretion on a downhill section of autoroute where the only car present was his, hidden in the bushes.
But no matter, entente cordiale returns easily when you let kindly officals have a look over and a sit-in, having established they aren’t impounding your borrowed car.
And when, in a twist nobody saw coming, West Ham played as well as I’ve ever seen them and won 0-3 in an environment ranging between febrile and downright hostile. Goals from Dawson, Rice and Bowen since you didn’t ask. It was just like watching Brazil.
Falling in love
Over three days and two nights, to a man, we fell in love with this car. Its stature, its status, its imperious performance, its carrying capacity, its unashamed delivery of a peerless, first-class travel experience. It might be a cliché, but the Bentayga S shrinks distance.
And, to leave where I came in, I’d have to admit the experience from first to last, the shared adventure and the magic of moments that can’t be planned or willed into being, but just happen if you take a chance, may have enhanced my desire for this bluffest of Bentleys. By a couple of percentage points. But it matters not. To the victor, the spoils.
Bentley Bentayga S Specs
- 542bhp
- 5681b/ft torque
- 0-60mph in 4.4secs
- 180mph
- 294g/km
- From £187,800
For more information on the Bentley Bentayga S, visit the Bentley website.