I used to think I’d feel safe in the US as a gay man – I hope the election doesn’t change that

For the longest time, America felt like a place where I could feel truly accepted as an LGBTQ+ person. Growing up in Yorkshire, during the 90s and the 2010s, I never felt like I could live anything that even vaguely represented a happy life as a gay man. Such a thing was only for characters in the few TV shows and movies I was able to glimpse where I could see a queer person thriving. A lot of them were set in America. 

Of course, I’m well aware of the United States’ history regarding LGBTQ+ rights and homo and transphobia, and those characters, in shows like the US take on Russell T. Davies’ Queer as Folk, did not always live happy lives. But there was a sense of community, of chosen family, and love. So, by and large, I always imagined that I could come here and feel safe. 

I’ve been in the US for the past three weeks. As part of a career break I wanted to come to the States to explore New York City, Los Angeles, and San Francisco – cities I’d never been to before and all that seemed to teem with opportunity for reinvention, adventure, and queerness. I’ve had a wonderful time. One of the things that has been heartwarming to see is queer people living their lives authentically out in the open, for everyone to see, and not (it would seem) caring who sees, and more importantly, experience any negative reaction. What has been especially validating is the number of queer couples I’ve seen walking around holding hands. I think I’ve seen more of that in NYC, LA, and San Francisco in three weeks than I have in much longer in London. What none of those people knows is that they’ve brightened up my day with their visibility, given me a reason to smile, and feel the acceptance I longed for as a young queer person. 

After the election it feels like everything is about to change and I accept that that sounds dramatic and ‘end of the world’-esque. Being here these last few weeks, I’ve met many queer people at parties, in bars, and on social media. Naturally, the election has come up a few times. And what I picked up from those interactions was a real fear for what a Trump win could mean. Among people’s fears are a repeal of marriage quality, greater attacks on the trans community, and a restriction within education of anything to do with the LGBTQ+ community similar, maybe even worse, to Margaret Thatcher’s Section 28 which lasted in the UK from 1988 to 2003.

These fears are not unfounded. We only have to look at Trump’s first presidency for justification. Among many attacks, he banned trans people from serving in the military, attacked gender-affirming care for trans people, and refused help to LGBTQ+ asylum seekers, some of whom would have been been trying to escape the most oppressive regimes for LGBTQ+ people.

“There have been increases in calls to LGBTQ+ crisis hotlines in the wake of the election”

In his 2024 campaign Trump has already promised to reinstate his trans military ban, which was repealed under President Biden. Trump has also promised to eliminate protections for trans students on “day one,” as well as end “all programs that promote the concept of sex and gender transition at any age.” He has said he wants to cut funding for schools that are inclusive and also ban trans athletes from competing in teams that correspond with their gender identity. He wants Congress to make the only two legal genders, male and female, which would effectively criminalise gender nonconformity, and there’s a whole lot more and we haven’t even touched Project 2025. One friend, a gay man, explicitly told me that he worries for what a second Trump presidency would mean for his marriage. As Roe vs. Wade was overturned in 2022, one of the Supreme Court justices, Clarence Thomas, indicated the decision meant others like gay marriage could be “reconsidered” next. And during the campaign, Trump falsely claimed that children are being given surgeries to transition at schools as well as attack, even in the last moments of the campaign, female boxer Imane Khelif. 

Already there have been increases in calls to LGBTQ+ crisis hotlines in the wake of the election. The Trevor Project, a nonprofit focused on suicide prevention for the LGBTQ+ community, has seen a 125% increase in contacts. Lance Preston of the Rainbow Youth Project has said that calls to its services have included those scared “that we will lose our children to suicide and fear of the challenges this new administration will set up for us”. 

I was in a gay bar in San Francisco on election night. I saw how people’s excitement and hope quickly turned to despair and fear. I’ve looked people in the eyes as they’ve spoken to me of their fears for where America is headed and what it means for them and the community. Quite simply, it’s been heartbreaking. And as an observer to all this, someone who can easily leave and never come back should I wish, I feel like there’s little I can do to offer comfort. 

One gay man I spoke to in San Francisco said they’d gone to work the day after the election and seen people crying in the street. They, and their friends, are all worried about what comes next. Back in New York I’ve heard similar things from friends. I also visited the Bluestockings Cooperative Bookstore, New York’s only queer, trans and sex worker-run bookstore which also includes a free store featuring items like snacks, hygiene products, and clothing completely free for anyone who asks. Among the people I met there was Greg, who is also based in New York City. He told me the election was a “brutal take down of the Democratic party,” even in typically liberal areas like New York. “I feel like everyone went through all the stages of grief,” he said of his friendship group and how they’ve been feeling in the last week. “I’m very scared for the queer community,” he continued. “Scared for my trans friends specifically because they were so under attack during Trump’s campaign. But myself, my marriage, my husband I’m scared for, I’m scared for all my female friends and their access to reproductive healthcare.”

“My hope is that people still feel able to walk down the street holding hands”

Similarly, Cameron, who lives in New York but originally comes from Cleveland, Ohio, feared for the community’s safety going forward. Seeing the results as unsurprising, Cameron expects the anti-LGBTQ+ legislation that is in place in Ohio extend everywhere across the States. Of the way forward, Cameron shared: “We have to figure out ways on local levels to create protection for each other. Whether that’s community groups, local organisations, non-profits, we have to hunker down and think of ways outside of government structures that we can support each other. I just don’t see it getting better on a government level anytime soon.” However, Cameron is maintaining hope in the community’s resolve and strength having seen that first in Ohio growing up. “Those are the places that showed me what’s possible so I definitely carry that with me now.” 

My hope is that people still feel able to walk down the street holding hands. You never know what young queer person might see that and feel seen. As for me, I’m sure I will be able to come back and feel a sense of safety. I just wonder if there’ll be an increased wariness among the queer community going forward. And for all the bad news, there are some rays of light. Among the LGBTQ+ politicians elected last week was Sarah McBride who will become the first trans member of the US congress. And on election night, California, Hawaii, and Colorado voted to protect same-sex marriage, codifying protections in their state constitutions. 

I’m also buoyed by several things. I know that the LGBTQ+ community is strong and will band together to fight back against any attack. I know that there are millions of people, here and internationally, that do care about the LGBTQ+ community. And I know that this shall pass. It will take time, and a lot of harm and loss will be felt along the way, but that one day we shall emerge from this and be able to look ahead with even more optimism and hope. 

LGBTQ+ people looking for support in the US can contact The Trevor Project at thetrevorproject.org/(212) 695-8650.