‘Be careful with your heart – it must be cherished and protected at all costs’
In his latest column, broadcaster James Barr discusses prioritising himself and his heart over a 'whirlwind' romance
By James Barr
I had been steering clear of dating and focusing on prioritising myself (and one-night stands), but then I met Paulo at Feel It in London. His intoxicating smile, emotional intelligence, and vulnerability borrowed my heart for a whirlwind 48 hours akin to Andrew Haigh’s movie Weekend (without the chems). But here’s the twist: Paulo lives in Chicago. I was his holiday romance.
So, what next? Are we destined for a Red, White & Royal Blue love affair? Or just to be international friends with benefits? Choosing whether to engage in something you can’t have is a familiar crossroads for the LGBTQ+ community, whether it’s a long-distance relationship, processing feelings for a heterosexual man or woman, or simply confronting the intricacies of our diverse love stories.
As a gay man, navigating love is hard. It often intertwines with a deeper narrative — the desire to overcome shame, survive, and be authentically different in a world that often expects conformity. This internal struggle, on top of a potential long-distance love, could feel like a form of self-harm.
“Here’s the tea: be careful with your heart”
An unconventional love story is intoxicating, but how do we decide if we should embark on such a journey? Our obsession with love teaches us that matters of the heart can’t be decided, but I believe we have a choice. My desire to be with Paulo is real, but I’m realistic. We have a connection that rarely comes along, but for now, our own mental health and personal journeys are too important to create a narrative that ultimately leads to heartache.
Plus, in a world where the collective love of our friends and chosen family can outweigh the love of a prospective romantic partner, it’s important to recognise the richness of our connections.
So, here’s the tea: be careful with your heart. Sometimes you’re at your most vulnerable when you’re trying to fix it, and in that moment, it’s even easier to break it. Love is so important. Embrace the journey, but remember that your heart must be cherished and protected at all costs.
This feature first appeared in Attitude’s March/April issue – out now.