‘Sometimes, it’s the love of friends that lights up your life’: Do we need to be in relationships?
In his latest column for Attitude, James Barr reflects on his newly-single status and whether romantic love should always be the priority
By James Barr
Do we need to be in relationships? I’ve been pondering this question a lot lately. Let me explain. The past year has been my chaos era, marked by a breakup that could easily have had its own Netflix series. But it’s also been a time of incredible personal growth and happiness.
I’ve been hitting gym classes, diving into therapy, travelling, chugging water like I’m at a bukkake party, and I even downloaded Duolingo to try and learn some French.
I’m like a new, revitalised version of myself, ready to take on the world. So, as cuffing season descends, the big question is: am I ripe for the picking?
As I arrived at my friend’s gay wedding on the hottest day of the year (in September?!), I felt that the answer was yes. Then, as if the universe somehow had other ideas, I was accidentally sandwiched in between a couple. “It’s fine, we sit together all the time,” one of them joked.
It was at that moment that I pondered the intricacies of relationships and whether they are all they’re cracked up to be.
We watched the wedding ceremony, tears and all, and then it was time for dinner. I was convinced the universe would strategically seat me next to a bunch of hot, eligible gay men. It was cuffing season, right? Alas, my table was dry. I seemed to be the only single gay in the village.
Yet, in that moment, surrounded by love and joy, it hit me: love comes in many forms, and it’s not limited to those in relationships.
Even if my future husband didn’t materialise at the wedding, I was part of a beautiful celebration of queer love. I could revel in the happiness of my friends and share in their joy, all the while being content with who I am becoming.
I danced, laughed and soaked up the love of the most beautiful wedding ever. Love, it turns out, isn’t limited to romantic partnerships. Sometimes, it’s the love of friends that lights up your life.
The column first appeared in issue 355 of Attitude.