The Traitors’ Miles Asteri shares emotional story of he and husband Pip’s road to adoption

I remember meeting our first daughter for the first time. It was during the Covid pandemic and my husband Pip and I stood there in our face-masks, waiting at the door – we were petrified and excited at the same time. It was so surreal to think behind this door was a one-year-old girl who was about to become our whole world, in ways we couldn’t even have imagined back then.

A year earlier, shortly after getting married in 2019, we’d started our adoption process, which began with one phone call that changed our life. After picking up the phone to an adoption agency, we were invited to an open day to find out more, and from there our journey began very quickly. At the time, I put so much pressure on myself, thinking they were going to tell us there was absolutely no way we could afford this, we needed a mansion. During the home visits you think you need to have a show home and have cookies baking in the oven and coffee brewing when they come round! But it wasn’t like that at all – the social workers were such a huge source of support to us over those months, and now we’re parents of two, they’ve obviously seen our house in all kinds of chaos!

Adoption has always been a part of my life, as my mother was also adopted, and so we always knew it would be the right way to grow our family – but we had a lot of misconceptions about the process and when would be the right moment. There’s no light that shines down and says ‘now!’ – you just have to pick up the phone and take that leap of faith.

We thought it would take years and would be a painful process, but from that very first call to taking her home, it was under a year. It may sound a long time but I think we needed that time, to go at our own pace and process the information – it was almost like a pregnancy in terms of the timescale of getting emotionally and logistically prepared.

We took our daughter home in the autumn of that year and I just remember that so clearly, watching every step she took, amazed that she was physically there, in our house. With a baby you have the stage where they’re in your arms and sleeping a lot –  but with a toddler, immediately you’ve got this tiny person running around your living room, jumping on the sofa and causing chaos! During the first night, I remember we put her into bed and just sat watching her on the monitor, not even daring to go to the toilet or go to sleep.

In those early days, once we’d get through the day and made sure she had eaten, washed, gone to bed, it was 11 o’clock and we’d only then be thinking, oh my god we need to eat! Luckily we had a neighbour who was basically like family, who brought us lasagnes and chillis – that support was incredible.

Before that, we’d had that innate natural fear about not being prepared that I think every new parent probably has. But the truth is, it’s never going to happen – however your children come into your life, you’re never going to be prepared for it! In fact, with adoption, we were probably better prepared than we’d have been otherwise, as we had access to this whole added bubble of training, support and advice to help us through. There’s support everywhere once you look for it.

There is a perception that all of that process is there to ‘check up’ on you, to see if you’re ready and to catch you out, but it’s not – they’re not expecting you to have all that info beforehand or to be a ‘ready made parent’, that doesn’t exist. They’re there to help you through and make sure you’ve got the support you need, that you’re OK and that as a family unit, you’re all coping. I think that’s something every parent could benefit from.

I now realise that every parent feels out of their depth sometimes, so adoption is no different in that sense. So don’t worry about how perfect your life is – once you strip it all back you realise it’s OK not to be ‘perfect’, to ask for help if you need it – the important thing is the love you have to give to a child in need of a forever home.

A year later, we decided to do it all over again and start the process of adopting her biological sister. We wanted them to have that connection and experience of growing up together, but it was a big leap of faith as to the right moment to do it – as parents, we were still learning as we went, and we’d just settled into our family life. But we realised there’s never going to be a perfect time to start the journey all over again, so we went for it.

Now, I can’t remember what it was like before, almost. I just always remember us having the girls and we’ve forged this little family unit together that feels like it’s always been there.

I’m now supporting a campaign from You Can Adopt, called The Journey, which aims to tackle the worrying decline in people coming forward to adopt. I’m sure that in the context of the cost of living crisis, some of this decline is due to people having similar worries to us, about having enough money, a big enough house and being ‘perfect parents’ – so I hope by sharing my story I can inspire people to know that they’re enough, and to take that first step.

Reflecting on the whole journey, there have been so many ups and downs, and it’s important to be informed and ready for everything it entails. But it’s the little moments along the way that make it all worthwhile. Like when they find a leaf on the floor and choose to give it to you. I still find it beautiful that that’s the only thing they had to give, and they chose to give it to you.

Another highlight for me was when I went to see my oldest perform in a dance the other day,  and saw her searching for me – then her whole face lit up when she saw me. In that moment, you’re that person’s whole world – and you know the whole journey has been worth it. For us, it’s been the adventure of a lifetime.

Miles is supporting a new campaign, The Journey, to inspire people to take the first step towards growing their family. Find out more about starting your adoption journey at youcanadopt.co.uk/thejourney and via the hashtag #YouCanAdopt.