‘In the end, I had the strength to say: “This is who I am. If you don’t like it, leave me alone”‘

On 6 February 2023, London Fire Brigade temporary sub officer Tracy Doyle had taken the night off to visit her girlfriend near Birmingham, whom she hadn’t seen for two weeks due to shift patterns. Then Tracy got the call. A 7.8 magnitude earthquake had struck Turkey and Syria. Homes had been destroyed and the death toll was mounting. In May, the Red Cross reported that 50,000 people had died and 100,000 more were injured.

Tracy was one of 77 International Search and Rescue (ISAR) team members who scrambled to respond. As one of the Urban Search and Rescue (USAR) team as well, Tracy has been trained to help when disaster strikes – but this was something else. The sheer scale of the chaos was unprecedented.

“Our training is based on scenarios like a tsunami or earthquake, but we can’t really re-enact that because we don’t have that structure to work from within the UK. So, for us to go out to Turkey and see complete devastation was nothing I’d ever seen or trained for,” Tracy tells Attitude.

“It was devastating and catastrophic.”

After arriving in Hatay, Turkey, Tracy and her team set up camp at the nearby stadium. Their mission was to save as many lives as they could. They quickly realised their heavy equipment was obsolete. Instead, they’d have to rely on their hands, bolt cutters, hammers and chisels to free survivors – and the dead – from the rubble. Tracy likens the mission to “looking for a needle in a haystack”.

She adds, “We’ve gone into collapsed structures before in London, we’ve shored [them] up and we’ve got people out, but with this, everything was damaged or razed to the ground. It was devastating and catastrophic.”

As far as trauma goes, Tracy says she gave up counting bodies after 20. In these tough moments the team helped each other through.

They held on to the few positives; the survivors they were able to rescue, and introducing local children to the team’s search dogs.

“I don’t think any kind of training, or any length of service can prepare you for what we came across out in Turkey,” says Tracy. She also recalls speaking to her 24-year-old schoolteacher-turned-interpreter, Game. At one point, she asked Game if her being LGBTQ+ would be an issue. “She said, ‘No. You’ve left your home country to come and help my people. It doesn’t matter what your orientation is. That’s not important.” The two are still in contact.

“They see me as Tracy, and I see them for who they are. It’s great to be accepted.”

Tracy joined the Fire Brigade 21 years ago after working in television. You’d assume that society has become more open-minded in that time, but a report by His Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary and Fire & Rescue Services (HMICFRS) in March found evidence of homophobic, racist, and misogynistic behaviour in at least 11 of the 44 fire services in England. Staff often said they didn’t feel able to challenge such behaviour. One example included homophobic abuse being written on a firefighter’s locker.

Tracy, who came out in the service five years ago, recognises the challenges that have existed for women and other minority groups in the service. She says that for the first 10 years or so things were difficult for her at work. “I had my fair share of things that happened that shouldn’t have happened.” The behaviour of others encouraged Tracy to keep her private life to herself. Hurtful things were said behind her back, she discloses, but ultimately now “I’m very proud to be out,” she says.

“In the end, I had the strength to say: ‘This is who I am. If you don’t like it, leave me alone.’ I officially came out to my family in my early 20s. That was really hard. Coming out to some people in the service was quite hard as well.”

“I’ve joined this job to help people”

Speaking of her current team (“the best team I’ve ever been on”) in Croydon, Tracy says there are open discussions around the mess table and chances to educate people when necessary. “They see me as Tracy, and I see them for who they are. It’s great to be accepted.” The culture has changed and is changing for the better thanks to people like her.

As she calls for more women, people of colour, and those who are neuro-diverse to join the Fire Brigade, Tracy says: “There’s a lot of good people in the service, just a small minority of people that, unfortunately, behaved in inappropriate ways. The dinosaurs have left.”

Ultimately, your identity shouldn’t interfere with doing the job, Tracy believes. “I’ve joined this job to help people, I haven’t joined for the money. If I can change someone’s life or save someone’s life, which I have done in the past, then it’s worthwhile.”

Of her Pride Award, in association with Magnum, Tracy says, “It means a hell of a lot to me and everybody else in my service who doesn’t have the confidence to come out at the moment, but hopefully in the future they will.”

The Attitude July/August issue is available to download and order in print now.