‘Let’s Talk About Gay Sex & Drugs’
By Ben Kelly
‘Let’s Talk About Gay Sex & Drugs’ is an open-communication forum for anyone to come talk about how they perceive sex and drug use in the capital’s gay male community. Supported by Attitude, in association with David Stuart and 56 Dean Street, we spoke to the host Patrick Cash to find out what it’s all about.
What is the format of these events?
Everyone who wants to speak gets five minutes on the stage, but no one gets any more than five minutes. Speak in whichever format you’re most comfortable with, be it the telling of an anecdote or spoken word poetry. And having an attentive audience is pretty much as important as the speakers, because as much as the event is about speaking and self-expression, it’s also about listening to one another’s voices and viewpoints.
Why is this geared around gay sex and drugs?
Although we don’t have a set agenda, it has been partially spurred into being by the current ‘chemsex’ trends witnessed in London – and other major cities with large gay male populations, such as Manchester, Brighton and Birmingham – where gay men are using drugs for high-risk sex. We know it’s going on, but slapping the boys on the wrists and saying ‘naughty’ isn’t going to achieve much, so let’s get talking about it: why we’re doing it, and how sex and drugs factor into our lives.
What kind of people would you say come along?
We’re on our third event now and get an eclectic mix of therapists, sexual health workers, ex-addicts and gay guys who are ‘living the life’ each month. Here’s a selection of some words that were shared at our last event.
Below are extracts from the words and pieces shared at the most recent event.
Nyasha Paragon Langley is a young poet making a name for himself on the spoken word circuit in London, before he moves to Leeds in September for university.
So it turns out we have issues, so many issues that can’t be resolved with straws and hatchews only tears and tissues but we do coz we’re confused.
A societal lack of understanding, that this stems from the lack of conversation and it leaves me feeling wasted.
I mean, what do you call it when someone takes a drug just to fuck another person? No it’s not perversion it’s a lost soul hurting, floating in the ether.
The media paints you with a brush of night fever studio 54, that unclean whore, part of a small story but you are more, just severely torn!
It’s a lack of self-acceptance, life with no self-preservation. A mind diverted with false emotions. Society left gaps, that it filled with self-hatred.
Carolyn Cowan is a teacher, psychosexual and relationship therapist and addictive personality specialist.
I work with gay men who have found themselves in a very dark place once they start on the Chem friendly sex scene…
I take the mike tonight to suggest that we can start to use the many new features added to Grindr recently, to help those trying to find another way to be in the gay sex scenes:
Using hashtags, define your interest in #SoberSEX. Create a stream that allows you to connect to other men who are actually interested in #chemFree sex. This way you can enjoy your sobriety, in terms of sexual hook-ups.
Anthony Gilét is a budding writer and journalist, as well as a wellknown club host in London. He writes the gay youth culture blog ‘Cocktails & Cocktalk’.
‘“I can’t go out, I’ve got work in the morning”
Just phone in sick girl there’s a chem-sesh calling
So many notches, your bedpost’s a toothpick
But why get a rep for the sake of a few pricks?
We both know it’s not worth it, but I’ll take a gram just in case,
We can find a cure for AIDS by getting off our face
When sweaty bodies collide, is there really much harm?
When a 1.5 means you can skip the flirt and the charm.
I’m not anti-drugs, that’s not my point
Cause life is definitely better when you skin up a joint
But when it starts as fun and it ends in tatters
Perhaps you should ask what really matters’
Jack Holroyde gave a powerful speech spoke about body issues and friendship on the gay scene.
Next time you see ‘that guy’ by himself at the bar, remember when you last doubted yourself and say ‘Hey buddy – you look kinda down. Wanna join our group?’
Next time you see your best bro, say to him ‘I value having you around. You’re a great guy’
When a mate is fidgiting at a club, looking around constantly and adjusting his clothes – tell him he looks great.
Perhaps most importantly, next time you’re looking in the mirror, take time to remind yourself that: you’re doing alright, buddy. I love you.
Alexander Clifshaw finished off the event with his poem about sex and drugs in London:
But before you know it
You’re begging for another stranger’s wrist
And as then the drugs become harder
And the men a little more sleazy
Looking at yourself
Becomes no longer simple, or easy
The next ‘Let’s Talk About Gay Sex & Drugs’ is on Monday 9th June at Manbar, 79 Charing Cross Road, Soho, WC2H 0NE. 6-8pm, free entry, all welcome. www.facebook.com/LetsTalkAboutGaySexAndDrugs