LGBTQ activist Bisi Alimi says male homophobia is driven by ‘fragile toxic masculinity’

LGBTQ and human rights activist Bisi Alimi believes male homophobia is driven by ‘fragile toxic masculinity’.

Alimi lived life as a closeted gay man on the weekdays but would party in the underground gay scene of the country on the weekends but when he rose to fame on a popular Nigerian soap in 2003, he started gathering media attention.

His love life became a topic of many news agencies and he made history by coming out of the closet publicly on TV – making him the first Nigerian to do so but was forced to flee his home country following multiple death threats.

And now, while writing on Twitter the activist has discussed why homophobia exists and explains that it stems from how straight men view women as ‘objects to be conquered’.

He wrote: “There is a link between misogyny and homophobia in men.

“Aside from fear, male homophobia is principally driven by fragile toxic masculinity.

“The way homophobic men see gay relationships, say a lot about how they perceive women and what kind of respect they have for women. This might sound simple, but it is profound.

Aside from fear, male homophobia is principally driven by fragile toxic masculinity. The way homophobic men see gay relationships, say a lot about how they perceive women and what kind of respect they have for women. This might sound simple, but it is profound.

— Ashiwaju Bisi Alimi (@bisialimi) April 28, 2019

“Homophobic men see gay relationships as sexual, this is not just some simple thing.

“Most men don’t see women as a being, they mostly relate to women as an object to be conquered, so when it comes to gay relationships, they can’t understand it cos it defiles the act of conquering.

“It is this sense of hyper sexualisation of women by homophobic men that challenged their perception of gay relationships; who does what to who and who is to be subdued vs respected? Hence the stupid question: who is the man and who is the woman?

“This isn’t just a basic question; this question is about power and position. Men have been socialised to be in power, women are nothing but an object of pleasure, hence they don’t care about sexual desire of women. Hence while a woman with sexual desire is a whore.”

He continues to say that when straight men see two men in a relationship it challenges everything they know and ‘touches their vulnerability’.

So when they are faced with the reality of two men in a consenting adult relationship, it challenges everything they know, but it also touches their vulnerability, hence they only talk about arse.

— Ashiwaju Bisi Alimi (@bisialimi) April 28, 2019

“So, when they are faced with the reality of two men in a consenting adult relationship, it challenges everything they know and masculinity and being a man, but it also touches their vulnerability, hence they only talk about arsehole,” he continued.

“Most men can only function in a relationship within the concept of sex. They lack emotional connection or intelligence.

“Take sex away from relationships, and most men will be a placid dick, available but useless.”

The activist – who was granted asylum in the UK in 2009 and now lives with his husband and son – ended his posts by saying that toxic masculinity is the reason why there is ‘bottom shaming’ within the gay community.

He says: “We can’t talk about homophobia without resocialising our men and retraining our boys. To eradicate homophobia, I guess the answer is deeply in challenging misogyny.

“It might sound simple, but it is true.

We can’t talk about homophobia without resocialising our men and retraining our boys. To eradicate homophobia, I guess the answer is deeply in challenging misogyny. It might sound simple but it is true

— Ashiwaju Bisi Alimi (@bisialimi) April 28, 2019

“This idea of toxic masculinity is also the reason for bottom shaming among many gay men. The idea that being a bottom or being effeminate is bad and should be shun.

“Until men see women as valuable, loveable and respectable, then they will always treat women like trash and they will also always do same to anything that challenges their socialisation as a man; gay men.”