Straight man whines about being forced to hug other men: ‘Masculinity is in crisis’
By Joshua Haigh
We know masculinity is fragile, but now it’s being taken it to a whole new level.
They’ve already got man-sized tissues, Brosé wine – literally STOP – and shampoo marketed directly at them, but now heterosexual men have discovered a new major problem – hugging their friends.
According to Matthew Bell, a writer at The Spectator, the rise of men hugging other men has become a serious problem for the average straight guy.
Apparently, it’s become a serious cause of stress for them, and it’s left them all in crisis and spiralling into a storm of self-doubt.
“Masculinity has been in crisis for years. Now we don’t even know how to say hello,” says Perry. “There’s the everyday occurrence of being friendly to a fellow male is a minefield of potential slights. And it is all the fault of the man-hug.
“My proposal would be to scrap all man-hugging except with family members, and bring back the quick and friendly handshake.”
“Until then, every day will be fraught with the possibility of being made to feel either uptight or overfamiliar,” he adds.
Yes, someone actually took the time to write an 854 word article about how hugging other men is difficult.
We had no idea heterosexual men had such difficult lives. Our thoughts and prayers go out to both them and their fellow straight friends who were, until now, suffering in silence.
Or, you know, get a f**king grip, hug your friends and get on with your lives. And that’s the tea on that. Cheers, babes.
