What a 'Yes' vote would mean to me: One man's story...

As Ireland prepares to go to the poll’s in an historic world-first national vote on equal marriage, Wayne Power tells Attitude what equality would mean to him after spending years of being treated as a second class citizen in his own country…

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ll know that this Friday, May 22nd, Ireland will go the polls to vote whether equal marriage will be legalised. It’s a personal and emotive subject. It’s a campaign that has been brutal. A campaign that has been run on fear, red herrings, and the use of children as pawns.

When you go behind the curtain of the ballot box on May 22nd, you will be asked quite simply: “Do you propose to amend Article 41 of the Constitution to allow marriage to be in accordance with law by two people without distinction as to their sex.” It sounds so simple doesn’t it? It actually really is. Well at least it should be. But this simple question has been muddied by questions of surrogacy , children’s rights , and – let’s be honest about it – good old fashioned homophobia. More on all that in a bit.

I’ve found myself becoming quite down and effected by some of the comments I’ve read on social media recently. I’m not the most thick-skinned person, even at 31 and proudly gay.Its hard and torturous to say the least to see people mock, belittle and sometimes quite viciously pour such unbridled scorn and spite on an issue that could change so many lives for the better.

A lot of the commentary has brought me back to a time when I was struggling with my own sexuality and the idea of coming out was akin to Armageddon. I always knew I was gay, from my childhood through to my teen years. I thought it would just pass, but it doesn’t and I’m glad it hasn’t. At 18, I still I had no interest in girls, but I was a good actor who played along with straight mates from school and college. I pretended I liked Pamela Anderson or whoever the current FHM big-titted pin up of the month was. In reality, away from prying eyes I was in lust with David Beckham and numerous boyband members. But it was only when I fell for someone and it wasn’t just lust; that I realised that ‘Yeah, this isn’t going away. I’m not gonna wake up and be straight. Be “normal”’. I actually was in love with someone. I was in college and I was head over heels in love with this person.

Image: Conor Phelan Photography

I dodged the bullet of coming out until summer 2003, a full year later. By that time I had already confided in some close friends, and some uni mates had speculated – not in a bad way as they were an amazing bunch of people. And there was another guy. Again, he was straight. Unbelievably straight. And also just a tad homophobic. But I adored him, fancied him and kinda looked up to him in a way. He was good looking, cocky, played in a band, had plenty of attention from women, which he lapped up spectacularly at times. We were really good mates. And when on my 19th birthday I drunkenly let my secret slip, he simply replied ‘Whatever makes you happy.’ When I pressed him about some of his previous homophobia, he told me ‘Well, it’s different, cos its you.”

It was a strange but comforting compliment that I embraced. The night of my graduation I more or less just came out, walking down Dublin’s Grafton Street at 5 in the morning. A friend I was with at the time was an absolute legend who would later navigate Dublin’s gay scene with me. She even went in and bought me my first copy of Attitude Magazine in the shop that morning. She didn’t give a shit. I of course, did. So Dublin it was, and I got truly swept away in the gay scene. It was just an extremely mischievous and happy time. I adored Panti Bliss. Me and my best mate were always in bewildered awe of this towering doyenne of the gay scene. And ten years later, Panti remains as heroic to me as back then. But her The Noble Call speech following Pantigate brought it home how it was like to be gay in Ireland. To have to check yourself. ‘What am I giving away?’

And now here we are, just weeks away from making a really positive change for this country. Shouldn’t it be celebrated that there are so many gay and lesbian couples who are crying out to get married? Should we not have that chance too? We respect marriage. We love like you love. We rear children like you do. Nobody wants to taint or make a mockery or parody of marriage as that clown John Waters once put it. Civil partnerships are not enough and they never were. And those heavily campaigning for a ‘No’ are the same people who thought the sky would fall in when civil partnership law was enacted. Well guess what, it hasn’t. And on May 23rd, should this referendum pass, marriage will only be strengthened, not tainted.

I have no desire to have children. I have two nieces that I love to the moon and back. Regardless of a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ vote , it’s important to reinforce and reiterate that children in this country will always come first. Marriage is not being redefined , its being extended to include same-sex couples. If those that are spinning that yarn are really bothered, then shouldn’t divorce be illegal too? Some people are lucky to go up the aisle once. Others have been married numerous times in their lives. People fall in love, get married and sometimes it doesn’t work out. And people are entitled to move on with their lives and remarry. But I can’t even get married once. Or should I get married to a woman and have affairs with men? Will that keep the sanctity of my marriage intact?

We just want to be as happy and miserable as everyone else. And no one is being held at gunpoint over what way to vote – that’s the latest snide tactic by ‘No’ campaigners. But before you vote, be informed. Find out why it matters so much to so many people. And there are those who are just plain homophobic. A ‘yes’ vote won’t make homophobia go away but it will go a long way to making young closeted gay teenagers feel that they are not less and not just “a fucking queer”.

I proudly wear my ‘Yes Equality’ badge. I don’t wear it to be provocative or to flaunt my sexuality in people’s faces. It’s just a badge. Yet even wearing a simple badge makes me feel self-conscious. Will someone scream abuse at me in the street? The ‘No’ campaign’s argument about disagreement being silenced is more nonsense: gay people have been silenced for a long time, and even arrested in this country not that long ago. I would still feel scared – quite frankly terrified – to hold a partner’s hand in public or even show the merest form of affection in a public place. Blind panic.

Ireland has had a rough few years, we all know that. We’ve all lived with it: the recession, the guarantee, the corruption, the sugar-coated bullshit. But now we stand a year from celebrating 100 years as a small but amazing country with an unbelievable history. We have the chance to make more history and lead the world in helping to mould a society which is inclusive and equal to all. To finally tear off the shackles of Catholic guilt and let love win out.

Love is not be feared. I don’t write this to tell anyone how to vote, but to share my own experiences and see why this means a lot to me. I have shed tears over this referendum. I will shed more between now and the end of May, whatever way the result goes. I shed tears when I’m told that I am not deserving of happiness. I shed tears when I am dismissed as just a “queer”.I close this by simply saying I just want the chance to get married. It is something I never dreamt could be possible for me.

We bleed the same, we cry the same , we love the same. We are the same.

One life. One chance.

Follow Wayne on Twitter @PowerWayne

What a ‘Yes’ vote would mean to me: One man’s story…

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