What's it like to be a gay man married to a woman?

While England, Wales and Scotland might now enjoy same-sex marriage and LGBT equality, for a generation of gay men who were brought up in a more repressive era, hiding their sexuality and marrying a woman often seemed like the only option.

Now, a new installment of BBC Two’s The Victoria Derbyshire programme is uncovering what life is like for these men, forced by societal pressure into heterosexual marriages and a life of secrecy.

Nick, who is in his 50s and has been married to his wife for 30 years, is a member of Manchester-based support group called Gay Married Men, which was founded a decade ago to offer to support such men.

He thinks his wife had suspicions about his sexuality for years, but things came to a head six years ago after she discovered he’d had an affair with a man.

“She asked if I wanted to leave and I didn’t. She’s my best friend really above all else, so we’ve decided we would like to remain together as best friends,” he says.

“I felt it was the right opportunity to be honest and tell her what she’d already suspected of me, but there’d been an understanding that if I didn’t do anything we wouldn’t talk about it – and when I did we had to talk about it.”

“I still feel inordinately grateful to her each day that she was so tolerant after that,” he says, explaining that the couple decided to remain together, in celibacy, because of their feelings for each other.

“Things couldn’t have gone better with my wife that, you know, we still love each other and we’re still together but it could have been so very different.”

Asked if he’ll be able to stay committed to his wife, he says: “I’m hoping so, it’s my intention to. It didn’t feel like a choice in the past, it felt like it was enforced on me. I’m now making that choice that I would like to, in a sense, remain celibate.”

Manchester Metropolitan University lecturer John, who was married to a woman for seven years, says the men who seek the group’s help are often struggling to cope on their own and suffering from quite severe depression.

“We’ve had bursts of tears when people have come because they’re so upset and also so relieved to find out there are other people that are just like themselves. Because that’s part of the problem, because we’re a myth, we don’t exist.

“We don’t exist in [the] gay world – we’re on the cusp of [the] gay world because we’re married men. We don’t exist in [the] straight world. So we seem invisible.”

John, who is now married to a man, adds: “There are people who are successfully managing their sexuality with their family. You still have connection with your children and you don’t have to be cut off, out in the cold.

“I’m definitely happier, a weight has lifted and I can be honest with my wife.”

To hear more of their stories, head over to the BBC website.

The Victoria Derbyshire programme is broadcast on BBC Two and BBC News Channel, weekdays at 9.15am.

What’s it like to be a gay man married to a woman?

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