Pam Ann: ‘The only camp I do is with a bunch of camp gay men’
By Ben Kelly
Outrageous scene queen Pam Ann shares with us her festival and pride advice, ahead of her upcoming West End residency and UK tour this September. WARNING: As you can imagine, what follows is not for the easily offended…
What five things do you need if you go camping?
Fuck off, I don’t do camping! The only camp I do is with a bunch of camp gay men. But if I had to take five things to an event it would be cocaine, phone, phone charger, Ruby Woo red lipstick and a black cock.
What outfits will you take?
None because this bitch isn’t going camping. I will be in the five star hotel wearing Versace and Christian Louboutins. Camping? Ewww!
What’s camping etiquette for hooking up with someone?
Fuck knows. I’ll be in the five star hotel fucking the bar staff.
What should you do if the line for toilet is too long – what are the alternatives?
I won’t be in a queue, I will be at my five star hotel using my own luxurious toilet.
Do you recall any festival disasters?
Sydney Mardi Gras when my friend, er, got into high spirits and I thought he was dying so I called an ambulance, which arrived within a second – turns out the hospital was directly across the road from where we were! We literally could’ve walked – but bearing in mind, the state my pal was in, maybe it was best to pay $1000 for a ride to the hospital! OOPS!
Is a festival a good place for romance?
Everyone I assume is high on something so that’s romantic at least so you can get fucked or your cock sucked! Thank god for Grindr.
What prides are you taking part on this year?
None. I’ll be with the gays in Mykonos. That’s my Pride.
Is it a friendly environment or is it a bitchy one?
It’s sexy because everyone is tweaked out of their minds either chewing peoples faces off or focusing on staying alive.
Have you had any bad audiences?
Of course! I’ve had people fall asleep, think I was a stripper. I had 20 people walk out of my show in Nottingham (well I think that was down to the marketing – they thought they were coming to see a lovely airline review with singing and dancing). Around 50 white religious people walked out of my show in Darwin because I said I wanted to BIRTH an Aboriginal child. I said BIRTH not steal. I touched a nerve with the racist white people! The Aborigines loved it.
How do you deal with hecklers?
If it’s a good heckle I’ll go with it but if they are drunk and constantly annoying and unfunny just plain irritating I will have them thrown out and they are all usually drunk straight girls or uptight entitled straight guys. Someone always leaves either offended or in tears from my shows. If they don’t then I haven’t done my job.
Do you have ‘groupies’?
I have crazy ass Glaswegian fans that manage to get in the boot of my cars after gigs. They can scare the shit out of me. I’ve had a stalker for 12 years – but that’s been my longest relationship. I guess we should take it to another level now!
Always a pleasure, Pam.
Let’s be honest, Pam’s pride and festival advice is pretty, erm, all-encompassing, but our new digital Pride Guide includes exclusive content, hints and tips and city guides, as well as interviews with the likes of singer-song writer Rob Thomas, X-Factor star Ella Henderson, musical royalty Kylie Minogue and pop hunk Olly Murs.
Marriott and Attitude have come together to create the exclusive digital guide for anyone booking a stay as part of the #PrideSelf package.
It also includes a roundup of the UK’s best music festivals and the gadgets you need to make the most of your time there; because no one wants their phone to run out of charge before they do!
To book Exclusive Gay Travel packages visit Marriottweekends.co.uk/pride.
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