Giving Head(lines): Bourgeois & Maurice talk Minaj vs. Swift
Good day people, here is another weekly round up of the stuff you couldn’t give a shit about. We don’t either, but at least we pretend.
All people are proud. But some are prouder than others.
Glasgow Free Pride, which exists as an alternative to the bigger, more corporate, entry fee-charging Pride event, announced that it would ban drag queens from performing in case they make other trans people feel uncomfortable. This went down like a tonne of shit-coloured lip liner with the drag kom-you-nit-ee, and lots of people took to Twitter to tell Free Pride their idea sucked, in no uncertain terms. The good news is that Free Pride has backed down on the policy. Drag performers are now welcome, although perhaps in the begrudging sort of way the kid we didn’t like at school was ‘welcome’ at our 5th birthday party once our mum forced us to invite him. The point is, what the fuck sort of thought process was this in the first place? As our very wise friend Penny Arcade said, “we’re suffering from the tyranny of fragility”.
Minaj a Swift
Listen closely. Do you hear that? The distant rumble of truth bombs. The nightmarish flashes of pink hair dye lighting up the night sky. The hellish cackle of a woman on the edge…yes people, this will be remembered as the week Nicki Minaj went to war. For about a day. War is complicated and we’re stupid so let’s cover this story quickly – Nicki was pissed that she wasn’t nominated for Best Music Video at the MTV Awards, but was nominated in the categories of ‘female’ and ‘hip hop’ instead. She called it double standards. Taylor Swift didn’t agree, she said so. Katy Perry (who hates Taylor) joined Team Nicki. Ed Sheeran (who loves Taylor) joined Team Swift. Then Taylor said she had misunderstood Nicki’s tweet and…oh fuck it. Who gives an actual flying ant fuck? This isn’t news. This is about as exciting as a lunch date with Olly Murs. How can you even read this shit? How can we even write it? Jesus wept. We’re having an existential crisis. Quick, move on. What’s the next story?
Blair witch
Remember Tony Blair? He was that dude who started the war in Iraq, which we can all agree turned out super well for everyone. Anyway, he gave a passionate speech this week about ending world hunger, and charged £330,000 for the privilege. You’re welcome, starving poor people of the planet. Later in the week he told the Labour party they’d do better in the next election if, basically, they dropped the whole ‘left wing’ shtick. It’s old, no one likes it, move on. He’s a PR genius. Next up – Tony Blair tells Amanda Palmer she’d sell more records if she lost the bad attitude and wore more assless hot pants.
Apathy is the new Left
On Monday MPs voted on the Government’s new Welfare Bill, which had some pretty outre things in it like abolishing legally binding child poverty targets, cuts to child tax credits, cuts to Employment and Support Allowance, and cuts to housing benefit for young people. On the face of it, these ideas seem pretty much the aggressive antithesis of what the Labour Party hold dear. But not anymore! Instead the great and good leaders of the new centre right party decided to just, well, do nothing. Rather than have an opinion either way, they declared it a Labour Party day off. Harriet was just like “Don’t bother coming in to work today guys, nothing important happening, no major Welfare reform from the biggest right-wing Government we’ve had in over 18 years. No biggy. Just stay at home and chillax”.
Earth 2.0
Scientists have discovered a planet which they believe exists in the “habitable zone” of a nearby star, describing it as Earth’s older, bigger cousin. They’ve given it the snappy name of “Kepler 452b” (wish we’d thought of that). It’s 1.5bn years older than Earth and is 1400 light years away, which sounds a long way, but is actually about the same distance as any Ryanair airport to the city you thought you were arriving in. This all seems very exciting, and like everyone else we’re immediately wondering what the kids up on 452b are wearing and where we can get one, but when you hear the scientists’ descriptions of the planet as “rocky, likely with active volcanoes, and a thicker atmosphere with greater cloud cover than the Earth” you have to wonder – have they just discovered Scotland?
Well, that’s all we’ve got time for this week. It’s been emotional, thanks for being here, we deeply respect you.
B&M x