Should we sacrifice sex for companionship in a long term relationship?
By Ross Semple
Now, I had never heard the term ‘fag slug’ before last week. A close friend just came out with it, I almost began to choke on my sandwich I was eating at the time! Firstly, is it ok to call yourself a fag? I think so. And secondly, what the hell a Fag Slug?!
For those who aren’t in the know, the term was used in the context of being slow to initiate sex with one’s boyfriend. We began joking that it took him so long to initiate sex with his boyfriend that by the time he was ‘in the mood’ his other half had already found some other form of relief. However, I do need to admit that I’ve been guilty of this with my partner in the past.
Most of us lead busy lives with having jobs, studying, seeing friends or simply having some down time from what seems like the endless monotony of life. How are we even meant to fit sex into the equation? Sometimes I prefer to simply get home, cuddle on the sofa watching Game of Thrones and eating chocolate (no judgements required).
I look back to the start of any new relationship and the sex is exciting. Getting to explore your partner’s likes and dislikes, trying new positions, and becoming comfortable with your new guy seeing you naked for the first time – these are the sweet pleasures you only get to experience right at the beginning. But after a certain amount of time together, does the sex well eventually dry up? In fact, if I am to believe my fag slug of a friend, you should enjoy being single because, once you’re married, the sex stops all together. I guess I shouldn’t rush into that marriage too fast after all …
I currently find myself in the position where I’m comfortable with my sex life. Yes, it is possible. We know each other well enough to know when we are in the mood or alternatively when we just don’t have the energy. But I’ve never felt the urge or craving for sex all the time, I can last a week without needing to pounce on Matt and devour him, so to speak. Is this just me?
Further into the relationship line I go, and the more online stories I try to avoid reading, I am seemingly abnormal for not wanting sex 24/7, like I’m failing my partner by not having the energy to sexually please him at the drop of a hat. Here’s the thing though: my partner doesn’t want it either, and it’s more than likely the same for your partner.
Now, it’s not that he doesn’t want to have sex with me, but he is only one man and doesn’t always have the energy to rise to the occasion, should I say. After a stressful day at work sometimes he would rather wind down in a way that doesn’t require him to be so energetic. All this talk of having to be at it like rabbits whenever possible is absolute trash if you ask me.
In the end though, it comes down to that all-important question: can you ever have too much sex? Most of you will probably think I’m crazy, but you can have too much of a good thing! Enjoy the sex, sure, but you must respect your partner and know what works for both of you. Don’t feel pressured or insecure about how often or little you are doing it, and please do not stress that your boyfriend doesn’t want to be with you if he rejects your advances. It could be as simple as him having had a bad day at the office.
I’ve felt all these pressures and began to question my relationship because of it, but being able to have an open conversation with Matt about it and working out what feels comfortable for us meant that we are both much happier with our sex life and our relationship is all the better for it.
Your inner fag slug can live strong and prosper knowing you can sometimes say no.
Words by Craig Barton