SP | So you’ve found Mr Right – how do you make sure he’s for keeps?

It’s one thing finding the person you want to be with, but nurturing a relationship into one that’s going to last is not something that will automatically happen. Like any other relationship, you’ll need to put in conscious effort and be attentive to one another to allow your bond to grow and develop.

Of course, every relationship is unique and comes with its own good points and challenges, but the following ideas are useful to bear in mind to ensure that your relationship has a solid foundation.

Communicate

It’s an impossible dream to think that you’ll end up in a relationship where you never disagree or have the odd discussion. However, if you can nip any niggles in the bud, and get things out in the open early, rather than let any grievances or irritations fester and grow, it’ll be better for both of you. Be respectful of your partner, and try to respect his opinions. Just as you may not want to listen or understand his point of view sometimes, it goes both ways. Have discussions, but try and do so without flying off the handle or saying something that you’ll regret later.

If you find it hard to communicate directly over certain issues, then seek out third party help. You may want to consider couples counselling, but make sure that you find a therapist who has experience of working with same-sex couples. Alternatively, if going down the counselling route seems a little heavy-duty for the issues you want to discuss, you could try out something new like having a tarot reading together. Online love tarot readings can bring out some surprising insights into a relationship and the reader may be able to give you both that third-party perspective which will help you see each other’s point of view more clearly. You will probably also both enjoy the novelty of the experience – and doing something new together can also be a good way to bond with each other.

Show strength and independence

If you fall in love with someone, it’s often hard to keep your emotions in check, but there’s a danger in becoming too attached too quickly. While your partner may be flattered, there’s also a chance that they’ll feel smothered by an overload of affection and fear that you’re becoming too needy.

Though you may be head over heels, it may be better to play it a little cooler, so that you don’t scare your man away. You might be insecure because of bad relationships in the past, but that doesn’t necessarily mean your partner will want to take on the role of protecting you and nurturing you. They’re more likely to want to be with someone who can show them they love being together, but also is capable of leading their own life.

Identify together which roles you’ll take on

One big advantage of being in a gay relationship is that there is often greater flexibility over life roles than in heterosexual relationships and there’s no pressure to sign up to any of the traditional gender stereotypes. But you still have to decide on a division of labour. Talk about this with your partner and work out together where each of your strengths and talents lies.

Make sure you’re together for the right reasons

Many relationships, gay or hetero, can be unequal, and that lack of equality can lead to problems. If you decide to make the big step of moving in together, make sure you’re doing this for the right reasons. Don’t move in with him simply because he can put a roof over your head – what if things go wrong and you break up? You could end up without anywhere to live.

If your rationale for taking the relationship to the next level is really about your financial security, then you need to reassess your decisions. Even if your partner earns more than you and is willing to be your safety net, retain your independence and ability to look after yourself. Not only will it safeguard your future, but it will also increase your self-esteem, making you more confident. A natural consequence of this is that your relationship will be stronger.