Why do we sneer and snicker when some celebs come out?

News leaked this morning that veteran singer Barry Manilow – who has never publicly come out – had reportedly married his long-time manager Garry Kief. Writer James Dawson (pictured, right) reflects on the fact that, like so many outings these days, Barry’s news was met with a of ‘We told you so’s’…

Barry and Garry. I mean it’s adorable, isn’t it? Last night, it ‘emerged’ that Copacabana singer Barry Manilow (ask your mum) secretly wed his manager, and apparently lover, of thirty years, Garry Kief. According to the very much leaked reports, the pair didn’t even tell guests they were attending a wedding until it was underway. What’s more, Manilow allegedly refused to file any official paperwork, lest the story get out.

Reaction from the gay community on social media has been crushingly predictable. Although there were a few ‘I never knew he was gay’ style comments, there were far more eye-rollers wading in with ‘well duhs’, ‘it was so obvious’ and even the odd ‘I guess it was Andy not Mandy LOL’.

It’s all so depressingly familiar. We’ve seen this before with Ricky Martin, Tom Daley, Ian Thorpe and Sam Smith: A collective, smug satisfaction that scurrilous speculation about celebrities’ identities is proven correct. ‘Well I always knew,’ you hear, ‘My mate’s cousin once made out with him in Ibiza.’ There’s a strange, schoolyard feeling to it, one that ultimately boils down to ‘I’m gay, so are you, and you can’t hide it from us, mister.’

It’s odd to me. In real life, when people come out, they tend to be congratulated for their bravery. Celebrities, on the other hand, seem to be in a lose/lose situation. If they do come out, we make fun of how obvious it was, and if they don’t we damn them for cowering at the back of the closet and for failing to have the resolve that we apparently did.

Of course, Manilow has not come out in the same way that Daley or Smith did – he and his husband have been dragged out into the open, perhaps adding to the derision. The argument from some corners is that ‘obviously’ gay performers like Manilow have benefitted from the gay community for years – lest we forget he started out as Bette Midler’s piano man in a gay sauna – but haven’t been so charitable at ‘giving back’ to the gay community in return.

I guess the logic goes that had Manilow bravely come out as gay thirty years ago, he would, as a highly visible public figure, have helped to ‘normalise’ gay men in the mainstream media. Given that during the AIDS crisis of the eighties we had precious few allies in the press, he was uniquely positioned to be a voice for the community in the way that Elton John or Stephen Fry have become.

Are we right to be angry at Manilow for not doing the brotherly thing? Without question, every high profile figure that comes out helps our cause. All out celebrities send a hugely positive message to young LGBT people – I’m fine and you’re fine too.

Manilow is far from the first, and won’t be the last, celeb to wait until the glory days of their career are behind them before speaking publicly about their private lives. Gareth Thomas and Robbie Rogers waited until they were off the pitch and Ricky Martin was well past his peak Livin’ La Vida Loca prime before coming out.

The key word is the ‘private’ in ‘private lives’. All people, even the famous ones, are entitled to a private life and Manilow isn’t of the generation where every last sandwich was shared on Instagram. The question is, do gay celebrities have a responsibility to do their bit? I use my author platform to champion LGBT rights in schools as a Stonewall Role Model, but that’s my choice. I think it’s the right thing to do, but should it be an obligation?

Careers seem to be the biggest barrier to coming out for a star. You can easily imagine a sweaty little manager filling a young performer with dread at their immediate decline should the truth ever get out. I imagine, back in the sixties for Manilow, that concept has some truth to it. I don’t think we can judge stars from the fifties, sixties and seventies by today’s standards. The media, and indeed society, were very different and far less accepting than they are now. The counterargument, of course, is that those very stars are the ones who could have brought progress about faster.

But the progress is now. Tom Daley came out at the height of his career and sponsorship earning power. I imagine he may have had some begging him to maintain the illusion of a straight, teen girl icon. But coming out hasn’t harmed Daley’s career in the slightest, nor has it impacted on Sam Smith’s global domination. This is now, and now is different. Future generations will not be scared in the way that Manilow and some of his still-closeted contemporaries are scared. Hopefully all young LGBT performers and sportspeople will blithely ignore those who would doom-monger.

All the same, I feel we should welcome Manilow into the fold with open arms, even if he has been ‘outed’ against his will. Imagine what thirty years of shielding his relationship from the public has done to the poor man’s nerves. Now, I hope he can proudly share his new husband with the world – a new honesty for his existing fans and new recognition and respect from fresh fans who have learned his name this week.

WORDS BY JAMES DAWSON