Meet the same-sex parents advocating for LGBTQ and disability rights

When Michael and Paul Atwal-Brice first met two-year-old identical twins Levi and Lucas, they felt an overwhelming connection and fell instantly in love. Although social workers told them that the boys were experiencing developmental delay, they went ahead with the adoption, becoming one of the first same-sex couples to do so in the UK, after having fostered for some years.

What they didn’t know, however, was that the children were severely disabled. The boys, now 17, have autism, global developmental delay, uncontrollable epilepsy, learning disabilities and behavioural problems. As a result, they need round-the-clock care. Michael told the Independent: “Life hasn’t been easy. In fact, it’s a complete rollercoaster. However, what we share is our unconditional love for the twins. We have two boys that we care so much for and want them to have the best of everything. We’ve adapted our house, and our lives. We are committed to them and we are all they have.”

Despite the challenges, Michael and Paul loved being dads so much that they later decided to adopt two more children – identical twin boys Lotan and Lance are now five years old.

The couple – winners at this year’s 2023 Attitude Pride Awards, in association with Magnum – document their life online and also use their growing platform to share advice on how to access help for children with disabilities, which has won them much praise from followers.

“What we share is our unconditional love for the twins”

“It’s real life, how we are as a family,” says Paul. “We don’t sugar-coat it. We put the great things on. And when it’s really difficult, we put that on, too. I think we’ve become good at talking about the negative aspects, but not becoming negative about them.”

They’re also the proud hosts of the podcast Diffability, which features guests from charities and experts they’ve connected with over the years.

To Paul, being able to help children means everything. He was adopted as a child along with his five siblings. “I grew up in the care system until about the age of seven – I was in children’s homes in the 80s,” he says. “I remember my early childhood, I just felt like I wanted – and needed – to belong somewhere. I wanted to be part of a family. I was craving that so much.”

He recalls how difficult it was to get anyone to come forward and adopt himself and all his siblings. But luckily, they managed to stick together. “Adoption for me is such a powerful thing,” he continues. “My parents are the parents that adopted me. They are the people that taught me everything throughout life, the skills I needed, but I’m also very open about my previous life before being adopted.”

This is one of the main reasons he was drawn to adopting siblings, to make sure they weren’t split up at a young age. “Those memories and all those emotions that it brings, I’m very open about that. That’s the best way to be because people can learn from that honesty,” he adds.

Michael and Paul met in Cleethorpes back in 2002 completely by chance. Paul, working as a pro dancer, was called up at the last minute for a job, and Michael was there on a weekend break. “Neither of us was supposed to be there!” says Michael. “I was working, my auntie had a spare place in her accommodation and said, ‘Do you want to come?’ So I asked my boss at the last minute for the time off, and they said yes.”

“Although we had been together for years, there was no way we could convert from a civil partnership to a marriage”

The couple celebrated their civil partnership in 2008, but had difficulties converting this to a marriage after the Same Sex Marriage Act was passed in the UK in 2013. This led to them playing a huge role in campaigning to help change the law, challenging the government to a judicial review. Paul says: “Although we had been together for years, there was no way we could convert from a civil partnership to a marriage. But two guys could meet a week before and get married. We challenged the government to change that, and they did.”

After numerous appearances in the press and on local radio, as well as their charity work with the likes of the National Autistic Society, the couple often get recognised in their local South Yorkshire community.

Although they are chatty and honest in our interview, they haven’t always felt able to be so vocal about their sometimes complex fatherhood journey. The pair remember “hiding away” in the first few years of Levi and Lucas’s life. “When we first got Levi and Lucas we realised they make lots of noise. We used to go out in the community or to the shops and people would pass comment or stare,” says Paul.

“For quite a while, while the boys were young, we hid away from the world and became recluses. The impact it was having on us was awful.” Paul and Michael share other incidents where they were criticised, such as using disabled parking bays, or being stared at and people tutting when the boys had meltdowns while out shopping. But things did get better.

Michael says, “As time went on, something just clicked and we were like, ‘Why are we hiding?’ We are hiding the people we love the most, the people that we are most proud of. Why should we do that because of people’s opinions? It was from that moment our life changed.”

“Our experience of life with Levi and Lucas is one where the exhaustion and despair is inseparable from the joy and love,” Michael told the Independent. “Children with disabilities share the same sense of fun as the rest of us. Although they often have to struggle with pain and extreme distress, they also light up the lives of others, just as our boys do for us. People with disabilities are not second-class citizens. They are full members of our community and enrich all our lives.”

The Attitude July/August issue is available to download and order in print now.